Destiny Island

Chapter 19

Her fear of heights was worse than it ever was before. Probably because she was faced with it so suddenly that she didn't get the chance to prepare for it. Usually, she could control it at least a bit at that point, she had lost all control and was spiraling into the chaos that was paralyzing fear mixed with the worst possible scenarios going through her head. Although she was frozen in place, she still couldn't get rid of the idea that she would step too close to the edge and spiral down in her death. She could imagine with eerie details her own death. It was like she could see in her mind's eye her body getting closer to the edge on its own accord. She could clearly see it stepping over the edge and falling down and down for a very long time while she screamed in agony. It was like she could feel all the emotions that would have run through her body. Fear as raw as nothing she had ever experienced, and the certainty of death. Jade knew that the fear was not rational, her body couldn't just take over, but she still had a feeling that it would. Or that she would try to peak carefully over the edge and accidentally fall down on the ground, breaking every bone in her body.

Her head was spinning, and she could feel herself getting lost in the dizziness which was slowly overwhelming her rational mind. It felt like her mind couldn't stop spinning out of control and figuring out detailed worst-case scenarios. Since she had always had a very rational mind it was too easy for her to imagine all the possibilities in great details and it was horrifying. She knew she had to snap out of it and find a way to climb down the tower but all she could actually do was stand on the balcony and let her mind go through all the gruesome details. Her body started physically reacting to the stress and it felt like she might throw up at any moment. In the past, she had some moments when she felt similar sensations, but they were never that strong, and she didn't really know how to go past that fear. It wasn't so much about the heights themselves but about all the horrific possibilities that awaited. "What if I fall down and survive, but stay paralyzed for the rest of my life? Maybe I will fall down in exactly the wrong way and lose all my memories, in turn, losing the sense of who I am. Who I am is very important to me, it defines me, it makes me... well... me. If I forget all the experiences and people who made up my life what will I be? What if I fall down on someone and kill them and then I have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life?" Were just some thoughts that went through her head.

After spending too much time just standing there and letting her mind run wild she finally managed to make herself snap out of it at least enough to be able to think about her situation. She was still scared out of her wits, but she could finally think beyond her fear and had enough sense to try to do something to help her situation. She was after all a rational human being, and she knew all too well that bravery, was not the lack of fear, but the ability to face your fears no matter how terrified you get. So she dug her fingernails into her palms hoping that pain would help her focus on something else besides her fear, and finally, she was able to move. Unfortunately, upon inspecting the balcony for any doors, which there should have been, as far as Jade was concerned, she found none. She guessed it had something to do with the fact that the island functioned in a way that was so similar and yet so different. Another thing that went through her mind was that the witches probably didn't need the door because they preferred to fly to the balcony or it was just for decoration purposes. Thinking about flying made her hands start to shake and her heart to beat faster, but she managed to rein in her reactions, barely keeping them at bay.

"I might stay here for a very long time. Maybe when they finally find me, I will already be dead, just a skeleton to freak them out. I don't want to die like this. Wait a minute, how will I die? Will I just accidentally fall over the edge as I often feared? Or maybe I'll die of thirst? I hear that is the worst way to go. Instead of that, maybe I could just jump off and end it quickly when I start feeling too thirsty. What if there are some vultures, that might attack me and eat me alive. That is definitely not the way I want to go." She thought, starting to panic once more. For that reason, she didn't hear the voice coming from her immediate proximity. Upon finally registering it she thought it was coming from a ghost or something like that before she noticed where the sound was coming from. She was hoping that it was her salvation but whatever it was it seemed to be flying so not such good news for someone afraid of heights. Finally, she was able to register what she was seeing. It was the librarian whom she met earlier flying casually on her broom. "Jump on!" She said calmly. Against all her instincts, Jade did what she was told and was very proud of herself for being so brave. Of course, she didn't plan on telling anyone that she held on very tight to the poor witch, almost cutting her breath off and that she screamed her head off until they landed.