the storm inside | kitty (boyxboy)

21 | Beginnings

"What do you mean, 'who is he'?" said Alec worriedly, after they were back in the LA Institute. Before Kit had given himself up, he had persuaded Asmodeus to bring them back to their world. The location of the Gold Texts had changed, Magnus had said. "He's Ty. Tiberius Blackthorn. The one you were in love with."

Were in love with. Ty hated the usage of past tense.

A look of blank panic crossed Kit's face. "But—but I don't know him."

Ty had heard enough. He jammed on his headphones, backed away quickly and shot out of the room. Ty heard Julian calling after him, but he knew that he was asked to go back, and see Kit again, Kit who didn't know him at all, he wouldn't be able to do it.

He bolted for his room, slamming the door shut after him as he leaned against the wall for support, and it was the night Livvy had died all over again. Ty couldn't afford to lose the two people he loved most. Especially not Kit.

In a fit of despair and anger, Ty smashed his hand against the mirror, watching cracks spiderweb throughout the glass. His fist was a map of cuts and broken bits of glass that stemmed out from random points in his bloodied hand.

But it was nothing. Nothing compared to the regret and agony that had spouted from Kit's mouth. Of course. He should've known. The only reason he would've been able to escape would be if someone took his place.

Someone took his place as Asmodeus' food and toy. Someone who would, instead of Ty, given their memories of the one they loved most. And suddenly, Ty wished that Kit didn't love him, for he wouldn't forget Ty.

Ty wouldn't mind. So long as he had Kit, and Kit was safe and alright and remembered Ty, it would be fine. He would be fine.

Yet it would never be fine, would it? It would never be the same again, would it?

He grabbed a shard of glass from the ground, then hesitated.

Would anyone miss him? Would anyone care?

Would it matter?

No. Of course the answer was no. He was, after all, a freak and a weirdo and a let-down. If he died, no one would really miss him. Oh, sure, they would cry, Kit would cry, but ultimately, they wouldn't even know what they were crying for.

A boy who never was. The normal boy Ty never was.

And he brought the glass down to his wrist.

Just then, the door was flung open rather unceremoniously, and Christopher damn Herondale stalked in.

He saw the mess that had been a mirror, and he saw Ty about to cut his wrist open, and within a second, he had thrown himself at Ty and tackled him.

"What are you doing?" asked Ty in between hiccups. It hadn't even occurred to him that he'd been crying. Perhaps he was crying for the lost boy, too.

"You're about to kill yourself," Kit pointed out. "Is that not what I should have done?"

Ty gripped the shard that was in his hand tighter. "You should have just left me to die. It would be fine. Nothing much. Nothing important to anyone."

"No," said Kit. "It would be important. Look, I don't exactly know how to explain this, but I feel like I know you, and yet I don't. It's a rather, say, quaint feeling. But I know that once, you were someone important to me. And I don't see you as someone important yet, but I want that feeling back. I want what was once stolen from me. I want you, us, back."

"It'll take forever," Ty said, rocking back and forth on his heels. The shards lay amongst them, scattered like Kit's memories had been. Scattered and shattered like the reflection of the sun on water. And, right now, Ty was the sun. "Let me go. Let me go join Livvy."

"No," said Kit again, but firmer. He held Ty's shoulders. "I remember Livvy. I remember she died. But I remember she died in battle, a courageous death. If you die now, you'd be a coward."

Ty clenched his fists, and the shard made an even deeper cut. "What if I am? What if I am a coward, and I want to run away? What if I want to run away from this, from you, from everything? What if I just—just want an escape?"

"Then let me be your escape," said Kit softly. Gently, he pried away the shard from Ty and put it beside his feet. "I know I loved you for a reason. You were special—different—I can see it in your eyes. Give us a chance, Tiberius. Give me a chance. To prove that we can reclaim what was taken and find what was lost."

And this was them at their rawest—when they lay, uncovered, waiting for the other to hold them and heal them and tell them that everything would be alright.

Ty glanced up into Kit's eyes, the eyes that were Ty's water. The eyes that Ty fell in love with and came to understand. He lowered his own. "I can't give you a chance, Kit,"—and he saw Kit's fall— "because I can't even give myself a chance."

Kit sank down to the floor.

"You don't have to give yourself a chance," he said, "If you give me a chance. Because I know we were once fire and water, and we were once everything. And still now we're fire and water, separated only by a beginning." Kit stood up, gold dancing in his eyes. "Will you take that step towards it?"

His hand extended towards Ty, Kit seemed to beckon Ty. And now, Ty had two chances. Reject Kit, and live forever in misery, or join Kit. Join him and go on adventures beyond his wildest imaginations.

Ty had already regretted it once. He wouldn't go down that same path again. For he had committed the worst mistake of loving Kit before.

But what was life, without the beautiful mistakes and terrible perfections?

Ty took Kit's hand, rising to his feet. He looked at Kit, the one person who had broken down his walls and lead him out of the darkness inside. Kit grinned, the lopsided one that Ty loved.

"'I love you'", Kit said, as if tasting the words. "I'll get to say that you when we meet, won't I?"

"You will, but it'll be a while until that," said Ty, and he grinned too. "This is only the beginning."

And for the first time in a long time, Ty dared to hope. 

***

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~𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓭, 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓵𝓮𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓽𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓮~