the storm inside | kitty (boyxboy)

15 | Midnight Thoughts (Part I)

"We rest here tonight," said Julian, after they had found a cave. It was a hollow, empty structure that they had chosen to sleep in as they were tired from the trip. It made sense. Logical.

Unlike what Ty had seen. He still didn't understand, despite realising that he loved Kit. Everything that happened, he someone always associated it with Kit. It was strange, confusing yet entirely wonderful at the same time.

But he knew, Kit would never love him back. If he did, then why did he leave Ty behind? Why didn't he include Ty?

Julian began taking charge and assigning places to sleep, the natural, born leader he was. Ty was assigned a subset cave that was rather far away from Kit's. Good. He didn't need Kit anywhere near him if he wanted to think.

He lay down on the floor, a rucksack his pillow. He knew he was different from other people his age, and Kit was exceedingly normal. He was hot, popular and a Herondale. Surely that amounted to something, but Ty was nothing and worse.

Ty knew Kit didn't want to take him to the Shadow Market again for fear that Ty would freak out from the noise and crowds. True, he couldn't take it, but he was willing to endure it for Kit. Didn't Kit understand that?

He knew the extensive research Kit had done without him was because Ty's ideas were too logical for normal humans to understand. That was his fault. This was all his fault; damn, he should be more normal.

More normal.

Ty hated that word.

Normal, normal, normal.

The human definition of normal. Not different. Not too weird or possessing questionable behaviour. Everything Ty wasn't. Everything Kit was. He didn't deserve Kit. Kit didn't need him; he could easily run and join other cool people who were more... normal. He didn't need Ty.

But Ty needed Kit—didn't he? He felt like a Sherlock without his Watson. No one to bounce ideas off, no companion, nothing but a dark, hollow emptiness. It felt strangely like when Livvy went off to another world.

He didn't know what to feel. Love, heartbreak and a strange, aching feeling, all at the same time. But there was a tinge of regret, too. Part of him wanted to apologise to Kit and ask him for forgiveness, but part of him just wanted to forget Kit.

To forget any of this happened, to forget anything Kit had done, to erase Kit from his memories completely.

Ty suddenly felt a wave of hatred wash over him. Everyone just loved Kit so much, because he was a Herondale and his chiselled jaw was too perfect. Just because Kit was smart and funny and good-looking as hell. Because he was the perfect companion and beautifully powerful.

Because, thought Ty bitterly, it's hard not to love him when he's everything I want and everything need.

When he fills up every hole inside me and makes me feel complete. When he makes me feel normal. When he doesn't care that I love Sherlock Holmes or animals, and I'm not a total freak. When he kisses me and everything inside goes oozy and warm and I can't think straight anymore.

How his eyes shine with simple radiance that knocks me off my feet every time I look at him. And it's hard to describe the colour of his eyes. Somewhere in between cerulean and azure. But they are still so breath-taking and I feel weak in his presence.

I want to forget him so much.

But he couldn't. He just couldn't.

He loved Kit and that was a fact and he wanted to forget that but it wouldn't change. But just as he realised that, something lunged at him from behind and his world went dark. 

***

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~𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓭, 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓵𝓮𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓽𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓮~