Queen oneshots

Anemones and amaryllises : Breaky

John's POV:
"John I- I just can't do this anymore.. sorry." He said, not meeting my eyes. I felt my heart drop and shatter into a million pieces on the floor. It was a feeling that I never wanted to feel again, only to be described as heartbreak.

"But Bri, we've been so good, it's been so good. What did I do wrong?" I chocked out, trying to hold back the tears that where threatening to spill onto my red cheeks.

"Look John, it's just not what I want. It's been a good run but, it's over now. We can still be friends." He sadly smiled, and sort of shrugged his shoulders. I was in shock, our whole relationship- two whole fucking years, ended with a shrug.

"no we can't be friends." I turned my head from him failing to hold back the tears anymore. He walked closer to me, raising a hand to my cheek and wiping away the tears that had fallen. "Sorry Johnny, don't cry."

I smacked away his hand and shoved him away from me. "Fuck you Brian, fuck you!" I yelled at him tears flooding down down. "You piece of fucking shit! I gave everything to you, fucking everything!"

"John calm down." He said sternly at me as if he was in charge of me.

"Don't tell me to calm down! please just leave. I don't want to see your face right now." I shouted holding back the tears.

Without trying to argue he left. I watched him leave, walk away from me and everything we had. Just like that, gone.

I fell to the ground letting out loud sobs, screams of misery, I had never been so unhappy. How could he do this to me? He was all I ever wanted, he was all I had. I kept thinking to myself, hoping that it was all a joke. That he would come back and we would laugh it off, and then he would make dinner and we would eat it whilst talking about our days. Like we always did, I longed for everything to go back to how it was.

I thought briefly about calling Fred over, to not be alone at this moment. But then I realised I needed to be alone, alone with my thoughts. I wasn't in the mood for sympathy and 'you'll be alrights', because I wasn't going to be alright- no, not for a long time.

After a while I dragged myself up of the floor and over to the kitchen cupboard. I pulled out the first bottle i saw, it turned out to be Brian's favourite vodka- perfect. I dragged myself upstairs to bed, bottle in hand feeling as though I would collapse at any second.

I entered our bedroom, looking around at our life as it was untouched. Everything the same, my clothes scattered around and Brian's in neat tidy piles. His red special hung up in the corner, oh how I wanted to smash it, but I wouldn't. Instead I walked out and into the spare room, where Brian's presence merely lingered. I dropped onto the bed and lifted the bottle to my lips, taking long swigs from it.

My world was spinning, and it wasn't from the alcohol. It was the sheer sadness I was in, I had never been this sad. It was like a cave closing in on me,  and every time I opened my eyes I had to blink away fresh sets of tears before I could see. My chest felt empty, like something was missing, and that something was Brian- my happiness.

I couldn't believe it still, why would he do this? Things where going great, we had our fair share of arguments- but every couple did. They where never major either, nothing that ever resulted in us being away from each other for more than 2 nights. We always came back to each other, we always apologised for what we did and what we said. But I fear that that's not the case this time, that we where really over for good.

I couldn't even imagine going abut day to day life without him, everything in my world worked with him. He made everything make sense, he was the cause for my happiness. But now he's gone, and I'm lost. I love him. I don't want to, but I do.

He would wrap me up in his arms when we would go out in the garden to look up at the stars, and he would give me his hoodie when I was cold. Then I would wear it around whenever I could because it was too big for me and made me feel small and protect, and the way his scent lingered on it made me feel as though he was there even when he wasn't. But I guess I will have to give it back to him now, even if he said I could keep it, it was only really mine when he was mine, and he's no longer mine.

I sat up on the bed, taking more gulps of vodka from the nearly finished bottle. I wanted to get so wasted that I didn't have to feel anymore, and then the next morning I would continue- never letting the hangover catch up to me. I hadn't really looked around the room much when I first got here, there wasn't much in it. I painting Fred had done for Brian in collage hung up on the wall, there was a wardrobe in the far corner, a mirror and a few potted plants on the windowsill.

The room was so bland and to any other person nothing in it could be linked to Brian, but to me everything was. The painting was for Brian, of his favourite flowers- anemones and amaryllises. Anemone means anticipation whilst amaryllis means splendid beauty. I learnt that from Brian, the smartest person I know. But he wasn't all about facts, it was the way he said these things, you could tell that he had full knowledge and understanding of it.
The wardrobe was made from oak, like the oak tree that Brian and I used to enjoy sitting under whilst we ate ice cream in the summer. The mirror I remember we picked out together when we where on holiday, we had only just moved in and everything was new and exiting. I wish it where still like that. Finally the plants, me Roger and Freddie gave Brian one each for his birthday a long time ago. In the early days when we first started out as a band, he had kept them along time, but he always favourited mine.

I went for another sip of the vodka only to discover I had finished the bottle. I tossed it aside not real long giving a shit if it broke. I laid back down feeling the taken over by exhaustion, heartbreak was so draining. Within moments I fell asleep, and although I was drifting off to sleep tears where still streaming down.

I woke up to a knock on the bedroom door, I sat up to see Brian's beautiful face. I wanted to be angry at him, but I couldn't. No matter how bad he hurt me, I would always love him. That did give him the upper hand in the relationship but I didn't mind, as long as we where together. He came over to the bed and sat by me, looking up at me with sorry eyes.  

"John, I'm so sorry. I made a mistake in leaving you, please take me back. I will never hurt you again I love you." He begged me, taking my hand in his.

How could I say no? "Of course Brian, I love you too." I leant in for the kiss, but as our lips met he vanished.

I looked around for him, but he was gone. Slowly everything else began to disappear around me, the painting, the wardrobe, the mirror and one by one each potted plant. Until I was left in a empty cream room, all alone, all broken.

I shot up, breathing heavily, I looked around to see everything was back to normal. It was just a dream. See I say everything was back to normal but I wasn't, at all. I knew Brian wasn't here, I knew he wouldn't come back. So what did I have to live for at this point? I needed more to drink, I needed to drown my emotions, I didn't want to feel them.

I went down and came back up wit a new bottle of vodka, I drank half and then passed out on the bed, not knowing that the next time I would wake up it would be in the hospital, surrounded by everyone I loved but Brian.