The Approximation

On the Roof of the Library

     I watched as the crowd watched in heavy silence, as Nusiba walked to the platform her hands tied and her feet in chains. Her flowing white dress trailing behind her as she walks.

Fernando walks behind her whispering to her softly as tears fall down her face.

I feel a hand grab at my shoulder so I turn and am unsurprised to see Aria behind me mascara running down her pink blotchy face. She falls into my arms and begins sobbing and I hold her as she shakes.

I'm completely numb. It almost feels as if what's happening now is happening to a different girl and I'm only watching it.

I watch as they put a rope around her neck and that off Fernando. I watch as my mother walks up to stand and her mouth moves.

I can't process a word she's saying because all I can hear is ringing. Aria sobs harder and I feel her shake in my arms.

I see as a woman walks up to the stand. She kicks the box out from beneath Fernando leaving him dangling from a rope suspended above the platform. The noose tightening as I hear a sickening click. 

Nusiba begins to scream, as she stares at Fernando's limp form. 

The woman moves forward and kicks the box out from beneath her Nusiba moves against the rope making it swing until she suddenly becomes still the rope swinging back and forth. 

And I do what I always do, I just stand there. 

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Cameras swarm us as we walk from the outside of the hall to our house. They call out for my mother to respond, for me to respond. But we continue forward. 

I can't comprehend what had just happened, why had it just happened. I watch as Lana curls herself into Nanay as we walk into our home. 

As soon as we close the door the sounds of the cameras clicking and the shouting voices begin to fade. 

Nanay is trying to calm Lana as she begins to hiccup and screech hysterically. I just stand there completely dead to the world.

I see Momma move towards me but for some reason, I can't hear her. I can't make out what she's saying to me. 

"Tera! Pay attention."Momma says. 

"Kiara. Let her go the girl needs some rest." Nanay says I turn to her startled Nanay never stands up to Momma, not like this. It seems that Momma is startled as well, as she is speechless. 

"Otera, go upstairs and change," Nanay says, I nod as I walk up the stairs every step just as hard as the last. 

I walk up and pace around my room screaming as I knock down the suitcase that is lying on the bed. 

I rip out my bun letting my curls fall around my face. 

This is what happens to people like me to people who fall out of line. 

I work myself into a frenzy as I slip out of the bone-crushing dress and put on jeans and a hoodie. 

I try to locate my rubber band but I'm unable to find it so I reconcile with my hair and let it fall widely around my face. 

I walk down the stairs not caring as my parents stare at me in confusion. 

"I'm going to the library," I tell them. 

"Tera if you walk out that door-" Momma begins. I slam the screen door behind me. I know I'll pay for it dearly when I get back, but I savor the feeling of being rebellious just this once.