The Approximation

Fallout

The party died down around two in the morning, the headmistress handed out awards. Aria and I have crowned queens of the balls, and we danced in front of the class. I smiled when Aria tripped over my shoe dipping her slowly to cover it up.

We walked out of the hall and walked into the plaza. I smiled as Aria jabbers on and on about the amazing night that we had. But for some reson try as I might my thoughts keep returning back to what Ruha had said to me. What did she mean she was worried about me? Did she think I couldn't be loyal to Aria? Did she question how much I actually love her? But I knew something that was true if Aria and I are going to become part of a healthy marriage I needed to come clean with her. 

"Are you listening to me?" Aria asks her bottom lip jutting out.

"I'm sorry it's just that I saw Ruha today and I-"

"Tera listen Ruha is just going through a hard time. I know that you like to save everyone but Ruha is doing this to herself. She just wants attention." Aria said planting herself in the snow.

"It's not that," I say taking a deep breath. "I want to quit my job," I say I wait for her reaction trying to judge what impact my words would have on her. 

"I'm sorry what?" She asks. 

"I want to quit my job," I repeat. 

"Why? You love your job, all your life you've wanted this job?" She said. 

"It's just that yesterday I found out too much about my experiment and I don't want to be a part of it," I tell her calmly. 

"What? What happened?" She asked me, her brows knitted together. 

"I discovered a groundbreaking new gene, and I was promoted," I tell her. 

"Why is that so bad? Shouldn't we be celebrating?" She asks me.

"No. It was the worst mistake of my life, and I need to quit. I just hope they will be able to reassign me." I say. 

"You know that's not how it works. They don't just reassign people once you have been placed and given your test scores your left with that career path so that everyone can be employed. And you can't become an Unemployed you just can't do that to us." She says venomously. 

I think about all the Unemployed, women who live on the outskirts of society, not living on their government mandated stipend. They where are the bane of society because they were given a career path, and a life and they chose not to take it.

"This is not about you it's about me," I say. 

"No, you listen here." She says grabbing on to a piece of fabric on my dress that tears as she begins to add pressure. 

"What!" 

"Everything that you do impacts me! You know that right? As soon as you signed that piece of paper it meant that you were signing your life over to us, to me. And I'm not about to let you ruin your life or mine just because of a silly whim that you decided to follow." She says. I've never seen her like this, so angry, so full of vindication. I slowly back away afraid of what more she might say. 

"I can't do it," I whisper. 

"Like hell, you can't. If there is any molecule in your being that loves me you will do this. If not for you then for me. If not then that can only mean one thing." She says coming so that her face is inches from mine. 

"What?" I breathe. 

"That you don't love me, you love someone else." She says, usually, this is the point where she cries but instead all I see is sheer anger gathering in her eyes. 

"That's not true," I say my voice cracking. 

"Then prove it." She says teeth gritted. She moves away from me walking away like every other person, and I'm left in the darkness of the icy night. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

The library has always been my refuge ever since I was little. The first time was when I was only about four years old. Momma had been upset with me because she wanted me too be a  girl and go wrestle with the others but I couldn't do it I'd never been strong enough and athletics never really interested me, becuase all I wanted to do was read. So I did what any other rational child did I ran away. 

Eventually, after I was convinced that I had run so far away Momma would never find me, I stopped and looked for a place to stay for the rest of my life as a vagabond. I pondered the science lab but there were too many people, so I decided on the library since almost nobody went in and out of it and because when I had met the librarian in the begging of the school year she was really nice. But then I heard Momma calling for me so I tried to find the quickest entrance. 

Then I saw the old fire escape so I climbed up the latter and unto the roof. Momma couldn't find me all day, and I was able to read my book in peace. Eventually, I decided to go home since I found out that there was nothing to eat on the roof. Momma was so happy to see me she didn't get mad. (The first time)

Nobody could ever find me on the roof. It was my escape.  

Nobody except Res.

Although maybe Res was part of the escape.   

I climbed the old latter it creaked under my weight, my beautiful dress snagged on one of the rungs and try as I might I couldn't get it undone, but I was in such hysterics that I needed to get free. So I tugged on the dress until it came lose ripping it yet again. 

I felt my up due slowly come undone and I knew that I must look like a raving maniac. Eventually, I made it to the top I tried pulling on the window but it wouldn't budge so I just gave up and sat down. I immediately started balling.

"At least it can't get any worse," I mutter to myself. 

Then the most cliche thing happened. Can you guess? It started raining. 

So there I was on the roof of the library in the pouring rain in a torn up Engagement Ball dress with a fiance who is somewhere plotting to control my entire life. 

"Hey, why don't you come inside." I turn around to look for the voice, finding that the source was coming from the window of the library. 

Lights flickered inside the tiny room and out came Res with an outstretched hand, a book in the other.