the dawn of us

still

i know

i swore
that the last thing
i wrote about you
would be the last thing i wrote

i know i promised
that i would stop writing
about how i'm angry
about the things
you didn't do

i know
i know
i'm sorry

but i'm still angry
that all that our family sees
is someone
who only knows
how to victimize
and not how to survive

i'm still angry
that i'm left in the dust
of your invisible
non existent
body
at every single one of my events

i'm still angry about that
i'm still tired
of all the times

you cry
you promise
you give up
and you cry

i'm still tired
of hearing you
with your fists up
in the air
fighting something
that doesn't
bring you any
meaning

i'm still scared
of seeing you fade
like characters
in avenger infinity war

i'm still scared
of watching people
come in
and take more
than what we can
give

i'm still sad
that instead of looking up
i had to look down
and learn how to pick up
than grow

i'm still sad
that the the rain
doesn't come with
a good memory anymore

i'm still sad
that you gave up on me
and after all of that
all of misunderstood
untimed words

i also
still love you

i still love you
because
blood is thicker than water

i still love you
because i can't stop
loving you

i still love you
even if you've learned
that words are better than
knives

even if you've managed to hurt me
with your lies

i still love you

but with that
i still remain strong
because loving someone
may be a battle
but not letting them hurt you
is.