the dawn of us

not what i want to be

i have run out
of things to say
to you

usually
i have an angry term
an unforgiving message
of how you used me
abused me

used this relationship
of ours
like i was Salvation Army

taking the love
i was given
easily

a one sided giving tree
thinking everything i gave you
was for free

my tongue has run dry
and so have my eyes

are you tired?

these purple bags
carrying buckets filled
with ice

bloody fingers
from scratching my head
so hard
you thought it was lice

it was just anxiety and dandruff

did you OD?

the familiar scent
of unforgettable weed

i wonder if my brother's
even see
any of this

big shoes
lay around our house
they have big feet
but they lack
in other sizes

their footprints
stain your face

their grimy hands
taking the place
of your heart

are you okay?

your notebook
cursive handwriting
who are you writing to?

you address this
letter
to a guy named God

you question him
and you thank him
at the same time

you play your music
on blast
your candle is lit
so is your cigarette

i hear you
yelling
in a closet
you say it's your War Room

who are you fighting for?

the room is dark,
a shadow
with tears
tracking a race

you surrender
your hands are in the air

and your mind laced
with hate

i thought
i have run
out of things
to say
to you

but

when you see me
in the newspaper
i'm no longer
your daughter

just like everything else
I got my strength
from my father

i have to bring it
to you
though

thank you for the inspiration
you taught me
not what to be

instead of walking on the road
I'll walk on the pavement

when you say
i've betrayed you
don't worry
i won't use this against you

unlike you
my issues
will not be plastered
on Facebook

if it is
i will not tag your name

i have one more thing to say
one more question to ask

why are you still stuck on the past?