I am Reality

5-5

I hate myself for moving on too quick but that is who I am, I'm not an enforcer and I will not by any means force myself into a relationship that I wasn't destined to be in. She didn't get that, she never did till this day. She thinks I'm desperately broken. Yes I had a crush on her once but I wasn't in love, it's funny how women jump into conclusion quicker than making a decision.
     Very nice girl, smart but I hated the fact that she always doubted me. It only hit me hard in my sophomore year when a girl by the name of Abigail who I previously knew through an ex from middle school texted me. And I quote "you aren't anything to love, you aren't worth shit, you're a birthmark at it's finest and I hope love never finds it's way towards you."
       I Held my self very strong but the saying that men don't cry because he's broken kept a box of tissues beside a wet heart. I've never loved anyone so much as I did with Abigail but the fault was at my hands, i try exceeding my own limits by testing the teenage league system. I'd sent her poems and love letter like she actually gave a shit, I mean with any other boy those love letters would be magnet on a metal, but I wasn't either. Like a dumbass I kept texting her telling her my feelings knowingly she don't care. I remember arguing with my best friend Emmanuel Wright. He used to date her best friend and kinda had a crush on her.  He told me. "Anis, she just don't like you bruh your weird and under her league."
        So I text her and told her is that the way you feel.  She felt very sorrow and apologetic for what Emmanuel said. But I slept through the night knowing my best friend was trying to get with the girl I was trying to keep a hand with. Then I thought to myself, Emmanuel is right, but my heart was still placed on her soul. I kept looking at pictures of her telling myself we would look cute. Problem is that she was cute but not with me.
        The date was January 1st 2017, she called me crying on the phone how her boyfriend cheated. At first I told myself why the fuck this bitch calling me about a boyfriend, then I talked my self down and knocked some common sense into my self. She's a friend and she need help. One thing about me is that no matter the terms we end in you can always lean on me. I knew I was in the friend zone, I also knew I couldn't get out of it.
        So I helped her calm down, breath, talk about it and in ten minute or so we started laughing and joking. Hanged up the phone and hour later and I broke into tears. Not tears of happiness but the feeling like when you masturbate and you finish and you feel so depressed an like what the fuck I just do. I lied on my bed, whiping tears I wasn't crying I was just mad at god I was just mad that the person i l loved just called me but not for the right reasons.
        I texted Emmanuel, I said "Emmanuel what should I do." He said " you're too attached man let it go let her go you're obsessed with her. " I texted Abigail, "I can't be friends with you" I also said some nasty things and she started crying again."  I said I love you too much to be friends with you.