I am Reality

27-27

I'm always told to choose your words carefully before you can get them out, choose whether you want to stabilize your life in a way where what comes forth you won't matter. Seems that the every relationship is blown off, every book has been ripped off my mind, the anger keeps building but I keep holding on to my cools, I'm the strongest tempered person I've met, I don't know whether it is dangerous or if I'm just a walk at the park for some people.

        Sometimes my heart beat dramatically and I just remember worst time. Take this image of clinged, and embarrassment and regrets, I feel like I am not shit. I'm told I'm not shit over and over again by my mom, by her friends my family. I cry sometimes but beneath my eyes, I don't show emotions because that is just who I am. I fix what I have nothing to do with and still loooked as just the friend. I put my own feelings before mine, hooking friends up with my potential lovers and crush. I couldn't hate my self much more. I pretend to be okay, I walk this earth like a 500 year old vampire just here to stare.
       
         I let go of the people who wants free from me, and the ones who think I am a freak. Love isn't any easier, being cheated on, being lied to, dealing with drama I didn't asked for but given. They say every story begins with an angel, transitioning into a devil and hoping he'd become an angel again. I'm still in my devil phase, I don't know how to get out of it. I'm stuck and it makes me feel vunrable knowing I'm never loved. My father left my twin to die when I was 3, he'd die of diarrhea. Some laugh and some pretend to care. I won't stop providing aid until I Know you are safe.
        
   That is my weakness, having love for someone other than myself. When I watch other be happy it puts me in disparity, depression but also happy, because although I don't have what they are experiencing I am happy.