We'll Be There

Shock & Tears

Kirstie's POV

I lost my baby boy. My baby boy is gone. I could feel myself shutting down, not really listening to the doctor telling me what was going to happen over the next few days. Something about my body cleaning up from the boy. Something else about needing more frequent scans for the girl. I was so out of it, that I didn't even feel the tears running down my face.

Someone picked me up and put me back in the car. As per usual Matt had driven me to rehearsal, so I didn't have to think about driving and keeping myself alive. I'm sure the boys were saying things to me, but I wasn't listening. Lindsay and Craig were crying as we got back to the studio and somehow most of the crew had appeared as well. There was not one person who was not crying. That was all I could comprehend at that moment. I wanted to be at home and curled up in my bed.

After an eternity of questions, hugs and tears; Matt was finally driving me home. I hadn't said anything since the doctor had brought the world crashing down on me.

"Kirstie? Are you okay? You haven't said anything for hours." Matt said, breaking into my train of thought. I didn't say anything back, I just looked at him with tears in my eyes. He put his hand on my leg and tried to comfort me, but this was something I don't think I would ever get over.

Matt helped me into the house and up to my bed. I basically flopped onto my side and stared into space. I couldn't comprehend that my body had done this thing. I was so excited to have my baby boy and baby girl. Now I need to deal with never having the chance to hold my baby boy? Matt made sure everything I needed was in reaching distance, and I think he let the dogs out and fed them. He's just the greatest. He lost his baby boy too, but why was I the one that had slipped into despair?