HIS WORDS |Editing|

C H A P T E R 19

LOGAN

Logan stood up and looked out the window. Does it matter the way he felt or what goes trough his mind. Do they even care, he was sure that they didn't. But Logan didn't understand why he was sitting here and watching Kian sleep as if he cared about me to begin with.

The memories of that night was so clear to him. The way he was stuck in that closet and screamed his heart out. But sadly his screams never reached their ears. If it wasn't for that one maiden, he would have been there longer than 4 hours.

The way 6 year old him would ask his mom to read him a book, but instead she would glare at him with disgust written all over her face.

The way no one really paid him any attention, the way no one really talked to him. The way that big mansion seemed so small with him in it. He have never known that living would be this painful. Logan have never known that the people he loved with his whole heart, would hate his guts.
If you had asked him who he loved to must as a kid, He would say his teddy bear Larry. Because Larry didn't hurt him, he also didn't look at him with disgust. Larry didn't hate his guts, he didn't scream in my ear. He didn't put him in the basement because he couldn't stare at him any longer. Yes Larry was quiet and couldn't talk, but that's what he wanted all along. Silence.

Logan was brought back to reality when Kian started mumbling something. Kian's eyes were open and looked at Logan in surprise. The room was dark but Logan could see kian's smile from were he was standing, it disgusted him.

Yes Logan is not 6 anymore, he can perfectly take care of himself. But seeing kian smile like he didn't ruin mine is eating him inside. The way kian's eyes lit up when he locked eyes with Logan made him uneasy. He just can't bring myself to understand. They never cared about me, so why start now?

"I thought you said you won't stay here with m-"

"I know what I said you don't need to repeat it." Logan spoke with annoyance on the tip of his tongue.

"I see, you're as happy as ever." Kian said and chuckled at the last part.

Logan turned away so he didn't have to look at his borther. He took his phone out of his pocket to see if he had any messages, but as always there were none. A sigh left his lips and in the corner of his yes he saw Kian standing up and making his way towards me.

"You really should learn how to be less grumpy and more approachable."

"You should learn how to keep your opinions to yourself since I didn't ask for it." Logan told him and stared out the window. It's really dark outside and the moon was the only source of light.

He could feel a pear of eyes watching him closely. Watching his every move.

"Look in front of you not at me."

"You know the rage your feeling all the time will leave you blind one day."

Logan finally turned his head to have a better view on his brother's face. "You're not the right person to tell me anything."

Kian went back to his bed and layed down. He mumbled a good night before drifting away. Logan set down on the couch that wasn't too far away from the window. Logan didn't want to admit it but Kian was right, he is indeed blinded by rage. But you can't blame him, he didn't chose for this to happen.

Hours passed by but the moon was still shining brightly. The sky had a dark blue colour. Logan stood up and walked out of his room. Outside He looked for his car in the parking lot. Once he found it he drove off.

Logan was driving but didn't know where his destination was. He didn't plan this trough. Going home and being with his parents sounded more like a punishment. So he found himself going to the beach late at night. The way the waves moving softly back and forth. The way the stars looked so beautiful. He lifted his head up and started a little longer at the sky. Logan could feel the way his heart ached and was sinking. He placed his hand on his chest to feel his heart beat, in some way the beating of his heart made him mad.

Logan was mad

He was angry

He was furious.

Not at his friends even when they can be annoying or at his parents even when they were shitty people, but at himself. Because he wasn't all that great, he was failure a disappointment. Logan felt as if he was a wast of space. He felt the sharp pain in his chest and dropped to the floor. He was at the very edge of tears but held it all in.

He always held it in.

No matter the situation. Logan came to an understanding that he shouldn't feel too much. He should stop taking things too heart. If you don't bring your hopes too high you can avoid being disappointed. If you don't care enough you can avoid being hurt. But he knew it wasn't always that easy. Your emotions always finds it's way of resurfacing, and he didn't like that.

Logan stood up and breathed in and back out. He never liked the way his lungs filled in with oxygen, but he was human.

He got back in his car and drove to the park bench where he and Denya met the second time. When he got inside of the park and looked at the park bench, someone was already sitting on it. Brown curly hair and from where he was standing he saw that she had an flower in hair. Logan smiled at the sight of the girl. He sat beside her and glanced her way. Her tears already dried up, and she started at her shoes.

"It hurts." Logan said with tears of his own that were invisible to the human eyes.

"It hurts." Denya repeated without looking at him.

He schoods closer to her and held her and Denya held him.

There warn't many words needed because he understood and she understood him too. As friends they connected so deeply with each other. The first few tears fell out of her eyes and he didn't let go of her.

"I know you feel sad too Logan." Denya spoke and could feel how she started to lose a few pieces.

"It's not about me Denya." Logan told her and tried to change the subject, but every time she opened her mouth she was changing the subject back at him.

Her hands were placed on Logan's face, brought his face closer to her and closed her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Logan asked the girl while panicking.

"You told me yourself to not hold on to the broken pieces." She whispered softly and opened her eyes again. "But what about yours Lo, why don't you let go?" She asked him with on of her hand still on his face.

He didn't know why and he never thought about it so he was speechless.

"I don't know Denya." He told her thoughtfully.

She smiled and Logan saw how she was made out of million stars. Her eyes were sparkling and she held so much love in her eyes even though she had been crying not long ago.

"It's okay, we can't always know everything right." Denya still had that small smile on her face. She kissed his forehead and held Logan close to her.

"You don't think Ezra is not going to be pleased with all the hugging we are doing?" Logan asked her and waited for her reaction. She shrugged and started back at Logan.

"I'm sure he will understand that we both needed a hug." She smiled and he could feel his heart skip a beat.

Logan looked away in embarrassment. He wasn't supposed to look at her the way he did. They were friends, friends don't look at each other like he looked at Denya. But she would never know that the way Logan looked at her in admiration wasn't because of the reason that she had in mind. But it didn't matter, she had Ezra and they were happy.

So when he dropped her home and felt Denya's lips on his cheeks before she told him to drive safely.

He tried to remember that they were just friends and nothing more.