Boy With Luv (Kim Namjoon X Readers)

Chapter 11

The hand on the clock moved, slowly and rapidly at the same time. It produced a small sound that seemed the be pounding your mind. It was the only sound that you could focus on. One minute until 10. Your fingernails tapped the table not so patiently and a hand under your chin. Your scalp was burning up under the wig, a daily reminder that you were someone else, deceiving everyone that you cared about. The clock ticked, it was 10.

Without missing a beat, there was a knock at the door. Tranquil but filled with hope and excitement. You jumped out of your seat, the chair gave a little bounce as you fumble to the door. His eyes told you that he was nervous, his hands shaking as he held up the cups of coffee. "Come in." you said, opening the door wider for him. He sat automatically at the couch while you took your usual seat at the chair. The cups stood on the table, steam rising from them. Your fingers fiddling with each other and Namjoon chuckled lightly while watching you.

"Listen-" he began.

"I-" you also said. You two locked eyes and looked away immediately. The room seems smaller than usual yet the space between you and him was so great. "You go first." you told him.

"It's confusing, I know. I know I haven't always been the nicest person to you and I would like to apologize for that. I'm just awful at expressing my feelings, even to my members. I never thought I would like anyone while working here at the company but it just happens." He bit the inside of his cheek and tilted his head with a shy smile.

"How do you know you like me?" you asked.

"Because you make me feel the same way I want to make someone feel one day. A specific someone, but I was too late with her. It doesn't mean my feelings for you aren't genuine. It makes you even greater because you've done the impossible in my book, opening my mind and heart to something new." The way he expressed his emotions was so vivid and lively that you couldn't help but not believe that he's bad at talking about his feelings. But the whole time, it even made you feel guiltier. The person he's talking about is Sugarplum, she was the one that brought this out of him. And this version of you isn't what he wants. It's not real.

"Namjoon, I have to tell you something."

"Your glasses are fake." he said confidently.

Your voice wavered."What?"

"And your hair is fake too. I know, I've known for awhile." Your hands grew sweat, afraid that he had realized your true identity. He sighed and took your hand. Hos cool ring glazing the back of your hand. His touch was soft, light as a feather yet firm as an arrow. "I don't know what the reason behind you hiding your appearance but it must be something important. I don't mind and I respect that."

"But-"

"Do you like me, Y/N?"

You scoffed and nodded. "I didn't think I would like you after what happened. But I couldn't bring myself to not like you. Your dedication to music is so attractive, similar to how you care so much about the boys. Suddenly, all the bad things evaporated and I saw you for you."

The uneasy feeling suddenly struck Namjoon. It happens every time he thinks about the familiarity between you and her. He would be lying if he said he never thought of that possibility, but he always pushed it down. "And you're amongst the things I care about now."

"Namjoon, you don't know who I am."

"I think I know enough about you to know that I want to be with you."

"But you can't." you pressed on, your hand back on your lap. He looked disappointed but held the cup of coffee in place of your hand.

"Is it because of my job?" he asked, "I know being an idol is hard and will make any relationship difficult. But I want to make it work. Even if it's walking down the hallway and bumping into each other. Or the same coffee aroma filling our noses at the same time. Or when our fingers touch when we go to touch the elevator door. I want those simple things."

Your heart swelled. Those were the things you wanted as well. And at this point, it might have been too late to tell him. He would be heartbroken and you can't let that happen. At least not because of this, so you'll break his heart another way. "I know you will do whatever it takes for this. And I would too. But it's fair for both of us to have to hide or pretend. You're so young and you have the world at your fingertips. Don't let someone insignificant like me hold you back from that. You don't want to admit it but you will miss out because of me. You'll worry about me wherever you go and you won't catch a break from expectations. I don't want to be another burden to you."

"Y/N, don't think like that. You're not. You won't ever be." he refused.

"Besides, I know what you feel for me isn't real because your feelings for her are stronger. I'm just a replacement."

"What? That's absolutely not true!" he yelled. "Yes, I admire her but that's all. You're the one that I really like."

"I'm sorry. We just can't." you said quietly. Your eyes fixated at the coffee cup which has lost all steam. You thought about your parents, the cello, anything but the man in front of you because that would make you cry. This would be better for the two of you, to not have anything to do with each other. So even when he does find out, he won't care anymore about you.

"Y/N," he said with a shaking voice. It had been hard for him to open up and he had wanted a better result. "I won't force you into anything you don't want. But can you promise me one thing?"

"What is it?"

"You won't stop me from liking you." He locked eyes with you and pleaded. His lips parted, black cardigan wrapped fittingly on his body. "Don't ignore me, don't change anything about our relationship."

"Namjoon..."

"I know it's selfish on my part but I can't help my feelings. They're genuine and they are solely for you. I've never felt this way before so please let me live it out. Can you please promise that?" He couldn't imagine any other way. It all happened so quickly, the fall. Nothing prepared him for it. It was as if he woke up one day and somehow you had made a home in his heart. He felt that way about music when he was younger, slowly then all at once. 

You pursed your lips. It was a bad idea but he was persistent. His eyes became hooded and he will not take no for an answer. "Okay."