Boy With Luv (Kim Namjoon X Readers)

Chapter 28

He was still holding your hand. It seemed that hours have passed as you looked deeper and deeper into his eyes. They held the entire night sky. His lips parted as if he wanted to say something.

"You should let go of me." you said first. It wasn't that you were in pain from his grasp, in fact, you enjoyed it quite a lot.

"Not until you stop crying." he answered. When he said that, you realized the tears hadn't stopped when he approached, but more were pouring out.

"You should let go before someone sees us." you told him. The area wasn't quite crowded but you could tell that some people were starting to take notice. If not for Kim Namjoon then for the sight of a man holding a woman's hand in midair while she's crying might cause some trouble. He exhaled before loosening his grip, but fingers lingered a little bit before letting go. "You should also get back to her, I'm okay."

Instead of answering you, he took the grocery bags in one hand and held your right hand with the other. His hand was rough, you could make out every line. Then, as if it was the most natural thing to do, he walked and pulled you along. "What are you doing?" you asked.

"Apologizing." he answered. "But I want to do it somewhere where I can look at you and talk normally with just the two of us."

"But what about her?" you asked, trying to point back at the store but he kept pulling you forward. It made you frowned. You hated this. Forcefully, you yanked your hand back from him. "Kim Namjoon, you can't do this. I'm tired of being pushed and pulled in all directions out of convenience for you." you stated. "I've waited so much and it's not fair that you get to decide when things are fixed when I've also been trying so hard."

Namjoon blinked, awestruck by what you just said. He always knew you were strong and independent, it's one of the qualities he admires about you. He didn't try to take your hand again. "What I've done in the past year we've been a part are things I'm not proud of. And you're right, it's not fair to you. I will apologize, but please let me do it in a setting where it's comfortable for the two of us and in a place where I can look you in the eye and tell you how sorry I am." His tone shifted, he said the words with delicate touches, afraid that if he spoke too loudly, you would disappear, or worse, never want to see him again.

"Why do you want to look at me?"

"To make up for lost time," he said defeatedly. "Because I know I've missed out on a lot when I didn't look at you."

"But-"

"Before you think any silly thoughts, that girl is Hoseok's sister. We were out to get groceries for his birthday dinner tomorrow night." Your cheeks flushed out of embarrassment that he knew you would think of something else. He saw right through you like river water.

"Will she be okay on her own?" you asked, diverting the conversation away from your blushing face.

"Yes. Unlike us, she has her own car."

"And a driver's license." you snickered. It caught you off guard that he laughed along as well. His dimples emerged, how badly you wanted to reach out and touch them. "Let's go talk then." you said, shuddering yourself from any other thoughts. He shuffled quietly besides you, the bags hitting his knees and produced the only sound between you two. Gingerly, you would glance up at him but quickly look away once he notices.

"Why are you looking at me?" he asked.

"Sorry. I'm still not sure if this is real or not. If I don't check, you might disappear." you answered quietly.

"Do you want me to disappear?"

"No." you answered without hesitation. Namjoon smiled and looked down at his feet shyly. In a short amount of time, you both reached the park near Adora's apartment. It was puzzling to think he would be in this area considering there are markets near his dorm or even the company. You both sat down at a bench on a more deserted area of the park, two feet of space between each other with the grocery bags filling that space. No one said anything for a while and you could only look straight ahead. The trees swayed, flowers were only beginning to bloom.

"Y/N," he began, he turned his body towards you and sat his hands on his lap. "Would you believe me if I tell how I'm sorry for acting like a jerk?"

You sighed and nodded. "Yes, I would believe you."

"Why?"

"Because there's no reason for you to lie now. I don't have anything now that would benefit you, no title, no money, no job."

"You know, I didn't care about those things before. All I cared about was you, just you, Y/N."

"I know. I don't know why I didn't tell you. Maybe I was scared. Terrified that you would find Sugarplum better at the end of the day, or find anyone else better than someone who lives in a lie. I didn't think I could be with you when I myself didn't know who I was."

"And what about now?"

"I don't know. I'm not Sugarplum anymore because I can't play. I'm not Y/N fully because all she cared about was finding her love for music again. The me right now found that passion but lost so much in the process. I don't know who I am anymore." Namjoon shifted and got up from his seat. Your eyes followed him as he stood in front of you, and then knelt down to eye level.

"You are still Sugarplum because of the amazing music that'll always stay with you. And because of your admirable charity work with the school, that won't ever go away. You're Y/N because I know that passion is in your heart forever. Lastly, you're my Y/N because you're still the person who puts others happiness before your own, the person who is brave and daring, because of your determination and will-power to keep going in life. And despite everything, my stubbornness, you're still the person that makes me smile the most."

"Namjoon..."

"God, I'm so fucken sorry for not listening to you, for not believing you. I'm so disgusted at myself for letting my ego get the best of me when I could have just listened and fix everything. The day you came to the company, I should have just shut up and listened to you. You must have been so hurt and it was all my fault."

"It was my fault too." you said. "I should have told you from the very beginning. In fact, I never should have put on the wig in the first place."

He shook his head. "It was your defense. And you hoped that once you put down the armor, I would have saved you. But instead I pushed you away when I knew your feelings for me were real. I'm so sorry."

"I think we've said sorry enough."

"No, you've said sorry enough. I've only just begun to fix my mistakes." he smiled. "But that will take awhile, so can I see you again?"

Smooth, you thought. You couldn't bit back your smirk. "Alright."