Boy With Luv (Kim Namjoon X Readers)

Chapter 16

Namjoon wasn't part of the audience tonight. Not that you were expecting him to show up at all and with what happened, you don't blame him. He was mad at you, not Sugarplum, but hearing the cello would stir up any unwanted feelings. You went on with the performance, closing your eyes and thinking back to that day.

After you ran out, he didn't text or call. The boys did though, just to ask what happened because Namjoon wouldn't talk to any of them afterward. You explained it the best that you could and told them to keep an eye on him. Hoseok said Namjoon hasn't felt this desperate and lost since they debuted. They don't blame you but they hope that things could work out in the end. Jimin messages you separately and asked if you're ever going to tell him the truth.

"He hates me now so there's no point." you had said.

"Namjoon hyung would never, ever hate you. You're his music." Jimin replied.

"I'm his music."

How bitter that sounds when you repeated it. You doubt that he felt the same way now and you hated yourself for hurting him. But it's for the better, you told yourself. It's better if he hates you. The performance finished and the bouquets were thrown and you did your usual bow and exit of the stage. But something else was different today, the night would be longer because you had to go to the bar with some of the people from the orchestra. It was their anniversary and they urged that you had to be there. Not wanting to let them down and also needing a distraction from everything, you agreed.

You changed into some jeans and blouse and drove to the meeting place. It was close to midnight by the time you arrived and you instantly regretted the decision to join them. Loud music with an abundance of character had never been your preferred setting. Being with the boys was a different kind of loud that you enjoyed. You'd rather be with them now than here.

The group click their glasses together and took a shot. You pretended to take a drink but then lowered your glass. They were too drunk to even notice anyway. They talked amongst themselves about countless things that didn't interest you. But it was intriguing to see them outside of the company's setting. Normally they would be poised and serious. Now, they're just normal human beings with bad drinking habits and rosy cheeks. Along the way, you became the designated person who would take care of the group. It was almost like being with the boys, but at least you always had Namjoon to help you.

Speaking of Namjoon, the combination of you missing him and the low light of the bar confused your eyes to believing Namjoon was at the bar, sitting in the corner and drinking cans after cans of beer. You eyes squinted and focused. You dropped the shot glass you had been holding and ran to the man. His body swayed as he picked up the beer, eyes too blinded by tears to notice you coming. You took the can from him and he stood up tall, towering over you.

"What the fuck?" he yelled. His expression softened only a little bit when he recognized that it was you, Sugarplum.

"Kim Namjoon, you should not be here." you whispered yelled. You blocked his body from the other customers. If anyone saw him here, it would be bad for his reputation.

"I don't care. Give me my beer." he said, slurring his words. His movements reminded you of a toddler learning how to walk for the first time, clumsy and unsuccessful. Even without good lighting, you could tell that his face was red. When you went to touch his cheeks, he pushed your hand away. "Don't touch me."

"Namjoon, I need to get you out of here. Let me help you." you said softly.

He shook his head violently. "No, I don't need you. I can take care of myself."

"Namjoon, please." You bit your lips. "Why are you being like this?" He would occasionally drink with Jimin at the dorm or wine with Yoongi when they make music. He wasn't the type to go to the bar to get wasted like this. It's late, the boys must be worried about him.

"Why am I like this?" he repeated dully. "It's because of you." He pointed right at your face. It made you gulp.

"M-me?"

"No, no. Not you." he said bitterly. "Why do you look so much like her? Your eyes, your voice. Why can't she be here right now? I just want to see her." You saw tears stains on his cheeks and it broke your heart. You didn't need to ask who he was talking about, it was you, the other you.

"Namjoon, she wouldn't want you to be this sad."

"How would you know?" he spat. He looked aimlessly at the ceiling so that he would stop crying.

"I just do. No one wants to see the person they like hurting."

"But she doesn't like me." His eyes found yours and they were so lonely. "She doesn't want to be with me." His lips trembled.

It was your turn to bite back the tears. You remembered how he said he hated being vulnerable in front of people but you were the only one he would do that with. It must be so hard for him right now. "Namjoon, she wants to be with you, so much. But she's pretending to be someone else and you'll be hurt when you find out."

"Why can't she tell me the truth then?"

"I don't know. Maybe she's scared. Maybe she doesn't know who she is anymore." you answered honestly. Namjoon's head then landed hard on the table top. You tried your best to carry him out and called a cab for him. His head pressed against your neck as you both waited. He reeked of alcohol. You also texted the boys to look out for the cab.

"Y/N," he whispered with his eyes closed. "I like you so much."

You wiped the tears off his cheeks. "I like you too Joon, so, so much. Please don't forget that."

Namjoon, being drunk out of his mind, could still comprehend the sentence and wondered why Sugarplum would tell him this. He didn't care. He just wanted Y/N to be the person holding him, even though the person touching him right now felt the same.