Boy With Luv (Kim Namjoon X Readers)

Chapter 20

"Namjoon," you began, reaching your hand out to touch him. He backed away slowly, face still blank. "I-I can explain." you stuttered. His face was blank for a second, unmoving, unchanging. It scared you.

He shook his head and narrowed his eyes on you. "No, don't say anything." he begged. "Don't try to explain anything." It was pouring hard and you tried to pull him inside, but he pushed you off. In the end, you stayed out in the rain with him. "You're her. She's you." he said in between breaths. "You've been her this whole time." he said to himself, trying to make sense of the situation.

"Namjoon, please. Let's go inside, at least. You'll catch a cold." you begged. He still wouldn't let you touch him. To him, you were a stranger with memories.

"Why do you care?" he said, cutting you off entirely. It was a tone you've heard once, when he accused you of plagiarism. It hurts more now considering the bond you two have built together over the course of one year.

"Joon, of course I care. Why would you think that?" you asked, arms dropped to your side. Rain slid down your bodies, soaking you entirely. But you would be here as long as he was.

"Don't call me 'Joon', you're a liar and you don't deserve to call me that. I don't know you anymore." His shoulders shook and he couldn't bear to look at you in the eyes. "How could you lie this whole time? You pretended to be this person and messed with my feelings. Was it fun for you?"

"Namjoon, no. I never meant to hurt you. I never intended to keep this identity to lie to you. Please believe me. I was going to tell you, I swear. I was going to tell you when you weren't busy. I was going to tell you that my feelings for you are real and they will always be. I never lied about that."

"Did you pity me? Was it a game to you?" he asked, ignoring everything else you've said. Your eyes took in every inch of him. His brownish hair that was dampened, the simplistic rings on his fingers that were once so violent and loud, his converse.

You shook your head as hard as you could. "No, of course not." Seeing him in so much pain broke your heart. You just wanted to pull him closer and hug him. But you knew if you touched him, he would crumble.

"I told you about my feelings, I told her about my feelings for you. And you both just stood there and watched me make a fool of myself. It must have been fun to watch me be so weak and stupid." He threw his head back, letting the rain hit his face. Now he was thankful for the rain because then no one could see that he was crying. Namjoon had read countless of malicious comments about the group and about him specifically. He was able to push past them and go on with his day. But this feeling right now, of being lied to and betrayed, was unbearable.

"I've never lied about my feelings for you. I've never lied about my intentions or interests in front of you. It was all me. When I had the wig on versus when it was me on stage, I've felt the same about you as the beginning. I like you so much, Namjoon. Please believe me." you said loudly in the rain. It was pouring harder and made it hard for you to see the man in front of you. He was fading away, literally and figuratively.

He scoffed and laughed. "Believe you? Why would I ever do that? Why would I ever let you into my life again? You don't deserve that. You're a monster. I knew it was a mistake loving you."

Your breath hitched, he said love instead of like. It was like an arrow to your heart. You choked on your own tears as you took a step forward. "Namjoon, I-" Before you could finish, he ran away. His figure disappeared as the sky turned dark. Your tears eventually mixed in with the tears, the taste of salt was strong. You stood outside a little bit longer, hoping he would come back but that was just wishful thinking. He would never come back. Once back inside, you texted Jimin to take care of him tonight and make sure he comes back home. He didn't question you and went along with it.

You didn't get a minute of sleep that night. Your mind wandered to images of him in the rain, how soaked his clothes were and how they stuck tight to his body. What haunted you most were his eyes that once looked at you like you were the stars but now looked at you like a pitch black well. The rain continued for the rest of the night, muffling your sobbing.

Early the next morning, you drove to the company in hopes of talking to him. It might not be the best choice but you doubt he would see you any other way. Band P.D saw you coming and told you the boys would be in the practice room. From the glass door, you could tell that they still didn't know. Every moment was precise and deadly, they practiced with convictions and dedications. Namjoon, however, sat in a corner watching them. His knees were pulled to his chest, frail body looking for comfort.

Hesitantly, you pushed the door opened. The boys glanced over at you and the music stopped. Namjoon hasn't registered yet. Cautiously, you feet glided over to where he was. Taehyung was about to say something when Jimin hushed him. They moved to the other side of the room, giving you two space to talk.

"Namjoon." you said quietly. It shook him out of his thoughts and he snapped his head up at you.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked bitterly.

"I just wanted to talk to you, please."

"Get out, I don't want you here." he yelled. Yoongi gasped and tried to push pass Jimin.

"No, hyung." Jimin said softly. "Let them figure this out." They watched as Namjoon slowly stood up, hands on the wall to support him. He was visibly broken.

"Namjoon, I'm so sorry but please let me explain everything." you begged. Out of habit, you reached out to touch his face but he slapped your hand away. The sound echoed throughout the room.

"Namjoon!" Hoseok yelled. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I said get out of here." Namjoon said, ignoring what his hyung's protest. "I don't want to see you. I never want to see you again." His jaws clenched and it took all of his power to not break down in that moment.

"I will go." you said. "But please, just remember that my feelings were true and are true. I love you too, Namjoon."

He laughed with no sound. It should have made him happy to hear you say that, but it was like an explosion. One the engulfed him and was burning him alive. "You love me? That's sick. And why are you still wearing this?" With a swift movement, he yanked the wig off of you, revealing your real hair. He also took off your glasses and threw it on the floor. You could hear the boys inhaling loudly in the back, all except Jimin. "You're a liar and a monster. Get out of my sight."

That was the last thing he said to you.