Wavy (ON HOLD)

Chapter 51

Nov 3rd
After Date
Apartment
Nokia

I sat on my couch, now smoking my 3rd blunt , replaying what had happened hours ago.

       Me standing Melanie up on our date. Everything was going good and I just had to find a way to sabotage it. Cuz that's just what I did. I was , A stone cold fuck up.

I had got date anxiety, and left. Just like that. No explanation, no goodbye , nothing.

        I think I did what was best for me and her though. Before we got in any deeper and things got more intense. Before I actually hurt her.

As for me, I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I tried to be casual about it but it all lead to the same place.

Everytime I tried to date, something like this happened.

Ever since- no I wouldn't even think about it. I wouldn't even think about her. The girl that made me like this. The girl who had forever changed me. I refused to think about her.

So yeah . The situation was much more complex and difficult than people knew. It was a lot of history behind why I am the way I am. History I couldn't get over and was affecting me to this day.

Over the hours I had decided I would cut off the relationship with Mel. It just wasn't for me. A part of me didn't want to, but I knew it was for the best.

         I ignored my phone as she continued to blow me up. I refused to talk to her.

       What was there to say? I probably owed her an explanation but I just couldn't give her that. I didn't have it in me. Maybe one day, but not now.

           I got annoyed as she continued to call so I decided to respond to her message.

     Melanie🤪❤️: Why wont you answer Destiny? Did i do something wrong? My feelings are really hurt. Please tell me what's going on. You just left.

        I sigh before sending her the nastiest message I could muster. I didn't mean it , but it would push her away hopefully.

     Nokia☺️💗: Leave me alone. I don't want to answer you. I got what I wanted...twice. And now I'm over you. Fuck your feelings , and lose my number. It's over before it started Mel.  Those promises of a relationship are gone. The only thing that was true was me wanting to hit it and quit. Goodbye.

       And with that I block her number, not able to bare her reaction or anymore of the conversation. I felt so bad for her and what I was doing to her. But I had to.

       She doesn't care about you anyway. I shake my head at my  distorted thoughts as I continue to smoke my pain away, not wanting to hear them right now.

       This was my life ever since her.  No sense of self worth, failed relationships, and relationship anxiety.
I hated it. Fighting with the voice in my head everyday.

       But that's life I guess.

I continue to smoke and scroll through my phone seeing I have a voicemail from an unknown number. Was it Mel again?