Weekly News from the Wacky World of Fairy Tales. The Once Upon A Times keeps you up to date with all the goings-on in the fairy tale lands, from the Pleasant Kingdoms to the Seven Seas of Despair.
Impersonators of Infamous Wolf Gather For Annual Convention
Howlin' Moony's Inn, Odorous Realms – Admirers and impersonators of the Big Bad Wolf marked the twenty-fifth anniversary of his passing last weekend with a wild convention deep in the Most Dreaded and Odorous Realms. Lupine devotees flocked to Howlin' Moony's Inn to partake in a Three-Course Pork Buffet, a Stray-From-The-Path Relay Race, and a Self-Defense From Woodcutters class. The festivities finished with a tribute concert featuring the very best Big Bad Wolf impersonators, including Loopy Swaggertongue, Jowlz Grizzletooth, and Loner Silverstreak.
"Some people only remember Big Bad for all his villainous escapades," Mr. Swaggertongue said. "But don't forget, he was also a rock star with over thirty chart-topping singles! Man that dog could howl!"
Sporting the Big Bad Wolf's signature poufy hairstyle and rhinestone-studded jacket, Mr. Swaggertongue and his fellow impersonators performed hits like, You Ain't Nothing But A Hunting Hound, Dungeon Cell Rock, and Villainous Minds. Frenetic leg-shaking and hip-gyrating erupted throughout the crowd, which included not only wolves, but ogres, trolls, salamanders, and gargoolins.
"WE ALL LIKE DA BIG BAD WOLF," says Undabrig the Troll, who came all the way from Billybash Creek for the convention. "HE WAZA VILLAIN WHO REALLY BRIDGED DA GAP BETWEEN ALL OF US CREATURES. AND I KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT BRIDGES. I LIVE UNDER ONE! I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE BIG BAD'S BEEN GONE FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS..."
Gone, yes, but—dead? Not according to many of the wolf's most ardent fans here at the convention. "One theory is he's living on a tropical island in the Seven Seas of Despair," explains Mr. Swaggertongue. "Another is that the outer fairies—you know, the little green guys who fly around in those big discs—beamed him up and took him to the stars. I'm not sure where he is, but I do know that one day, he's coming back." According to Mr. Swaggertongue, that is the main reason for the annual convention. "Sure, that's why we do this, to keep the community strong. That way, when he comes back, we'll all be one great pack, you know, one great pack here to welcome him home."
Next year's convention will once again take place at Howlin' Moony's Inn. Whether the Big Bad Wolf will make a triumphant return to his great pack remains to be seen.
Based on various tales of the Big Bad Wolf.
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