Weekly News from the Wacky World of Fairy Tales. The Once Upon A Times keeps you up to date with all the goings-on in the fairy tale lands, from the Pleasant Kingdoms to the Seven Seas of Despair.
Infamous Inn Fails to Scare Visitor For First Time
Shudderhaus, Odorous Realms – For decades, the Inn of Hellacious Hauntings on the outskirts of Shudderhaus Village has been terrifying unwitting visitors and daredevil thrill-seekers with its macabre décor and murderous apparitions. The inn first gained infamy fifty years ago, when the Duke of Wandring was literally scared to death at the check-in counter. Ever since, visitors who manage to survive the inn inevitably come out afflicted with raving lunacy, extreme jumpiness, and unstoppable shuddering. No one has emerged unscathed—until last Monday.
For the first time, a guest has suffered absolutely no ill effects from his stay. Lane Grey, the youngest son of a local carpenter, spent three nights at the Inn of Hellacious Hauntings and says he had a perfectly normal time. "People told me it's a frightening place, but I thought it was all pretty normal, honestly. Didn't get any spooks or heebie-jeebies at all. Not one single shudder."
The late Baron Blodkurl, whose ghost operates the inn, was flabbergasted. "Most people can't stand the first night, when we let loose the black cats and hell-hounds, but he wasn't bothered at all. So, we cranked it up on the second night and tossed some dismembered bodies down the chimney. He still didn't mind. Well, on the third night, we snuck a corpse into his bed and do you know what he did? He tried to nurse it back to health, then gave it a snuggle. Never in all my years..."
If anything, Mr. Grey suggests he was rather bored during his stay. "Some of the other guests were hanging out when I arrived. Literally, they were dangling from ropes around their necks. I sat with them and tried to chat but they didn't say much. The atmosphere was pretty lifeless."
"I thought we had him for sure with the skull bowling," says Bones Crusher, the inn groundskeeper. "But he didn't flinch. Just complained that the balls were too bumpy. Even offered to plane them for us."
While some think this will spell the end of the inn's untarnished reputation for frights, Baron Blodkurl sees a business opportunity: "Everybody should come! Take advantage of our autumn specials and see if you're as brave as Lane Grey!"
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Meanwhile, Mr. Grey has been contacted by Sir Buff Biggs, Captain of the Royal Guard. "Oh, yes, the palace of the Pleasant Kingdoms reached out to me," Mr. Grey confirmed. "Said they could use some fearless fellows on the front lines against the goblins. I said no. Most of my neighbours here in Sudderhaus are goblins. Besides, I heard the Pleasant Kingdoms want to raze the Odorous Realms to build more polo grounds and sugar-free candy shops. Now, that thought makes me shudder. I might fight for the goblins, honestly. I heard the gargoolins are on their side. The flying fumigator lizards too. Sounds like a winning bet to me."
(Inspired by the Brothers Grimm tale, The Story of the Boy Who Went Forth to Learn Fear.)
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