Weekly News from the Wacky World of Fairy Tales. The Once Upon A Times keeps you up to date with all the goings-on in the fairy tale lands, from the Pleasant Kingdoms to the Seven Seas of Despair.
Soaring Peak, Borderlands – The government of the Pleasant Kingdoms is scrambling to deal with a huge influx of flying monkeys that arrived this week from overseas. On orders from Crown Prince Dasher, the creatures have been temporarily grounded and relocated to mountain refugee camps in the Borderlands.
"Well, let's not call them refugee camps," the prince told reporters at a press conference last night. "They are Pleasant-ness Evaluation Facilities."
The kingdoms have been abuzz for days, wondering where exactly the furred fliers come from and what prompted their mass migration. Your correspondent sat down with Gori Silverback, head of the Provisional Council of Aviating Primates. "We monkeys are just looking for work," says Mr. Silverback. "Our former employer, the Wise Woman of the West, recently died from a tragic allergy to water, and we are looking to turn over a new leaf, so we have left our homeland to seek new employment opportunities."
Reaction in the Pleasant Kingdoms has been mixed. "My heart goes out to any creature in trouble," says Lady Noelle Blanche, recent winner of the Pleasant Kingdoms Beauty Pageant. "I'm great at understanding birdsong and I've even talked with flying squirrels, so I'm happy to translate for these flying monkeys if they need."
"We appreciate Lady Blanche's offer," Mr. Silverback says, "but we all speak English. It is the official language where we come from."
Unfortunately for Mr. Silverback, many in the Pleasant Kingdoms have expressed outright hostility toward the new arrivals. "Just look at them! They look like something that crawled out of the Most Dreaded and Odorous Realms, so how about they move there instead!" says Sir Iggy Norrante, who has been commanding a flock of patrolling eagles along the border in case the monkeys attempt to re-enter the Pleasant Kingdoms by air. "Just watch. We let these creatures in, and before you know it, we'll be overrun with a full scale invasion."
However, a groundswell of support for the winged monkeys has arisen among farmers. "Lots of labourers are on the front lines fighting the goblins, so if these primates are willing to work, we'll gladly have them," says John Furrow, who has cereal crops along the border.
Prince Dasher claims it is not that simple. "We need to evaluate how these creatures would fit into our pleasant way of life. I mean, just how pleasant are they? They don't exactly look pleasant and we all know the well-proven correlation between physical attractiveness and moral goodness. At this point, I am not even convinced they are fairy tale creatures. They say they are from an American fairy tale, whatever that may be. And some of the place names they have mentioned, like Oz, are not on any maps we have available."
For now, all Mr. Silverback and the others can do is watch and wait. "We are just looking for somewhere to call home," he says. "There is no place like home, really."
Based on L. Frank Baum's American fairy tale, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (published 1900)
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Tune in next Tuesday for more news from the Pleasant Kingdoms, Borderlands, Odorous Realms, and other wacky locales full of Fairy Tale action...
