Weekly News from the Wacky World of Fairy Tales. The Once Upon A Times keeps you up to date with all the goings-on in the fairy tale lands, from the Pleasant Kingdoms to the Seven Seas of Despair.
Desperate Artists Tell Tales to Postpone Ruthless Funding Cuts
Castle Dastardly, Borderlands - Troubadours, minstrels, and storytellers of all stripes have descended on Castle Dastardly, haunt of the supreme and malevolent Count Ruthless, to protest the Dark Lord's proposed slashes to arts funding. Last Thursday, Count Ruthless announced the cancellation of all creative grants in order to redirect funding to the military. "Given the recent war with the Pleasant Kingdoms, I'm afraid I must invest less in developing poetic verse and more in developing durable goblin armor," the count said in his official statement.
However, Fili Dengbej, 67, who has made a career traveling the world to tell tales, insists that storytellers will make their voices heard: "I think it's been a productive protest so far. Look at all the tellers--I'd say we have just over a thousand here, and I personally met with Count Ruthless yesterday. It was... moderately successful."
What exactly did he discuss with the Dark Lord?
"Well, the count said I should tell him a story. If he liked it, he would postpone the funding cuts for at least a day. If he didn't like it, he would feed me to a Dragonosaurus rex. As you can see, he liked it well enough. Today, Bardy MacPrattler went in to tell a tale. We're waiting for him to come out, now. Fingers crossed."
Even as we spoke, Mr. MacPrattler emerged from the castle, looking ashen but alive. "The cuts have been postponed for another day," he told us. "I think that so long as we keep telling him tales, we might put off the funding cuts indefinitely."
Readers may wonder what sort of story the Dark Lord favors. "It's strange," says Mr. MacPrattler, "he actually wanted to hear epics about brave knights and heroes. Tales where noble questers from the Pleasant Kingdoms valiantly defeat monsters and tyrants and, well... people like him. Seems a bit masochistic if you ask me."
Mr. Dengbej had a similar experience. "Yes, he requested exactly those types of stories. He was a very attentive listener--even took notes. He had all these questions about how the dark forces were defeated and what they could have done differently. Trying to find plot holes, I suppose. Perhaps he wants a job in editing."
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Inspired by One Thousand and One Nights, the classic collection of Middle Eastern tales.
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