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Proposed Highway Divides Community; Big Bad Wolf Impersonators Protest
Wolfwood, Borderlands - Regional authorities are proposing a new highway development to improve travel through Wolfwood, following the disappearance of several children in the forest last month.
"We all know it's dangerous in there," says Chief Regional Engineer Bill Bridges. "Kids go in to visit their grannies, they wander off the path, and boom--those Big Bad Wolf impersonators get 'em! This new development will stop all of that."
The proposed development would replace the current dirt trail with a six-lane roadway, featuring twenty-four hour fairy lighting and a volunteer highway patrol. But not all Borderlands residents are pleased with the direction of the project. Mr. Loopy Swaggertongue is head of the Big Bad Wolf Impersonators Union, Local 401: "Listen, this forest's a historic site. It's where Big Bad himself worked. I'm tellin' ya, it'd be a real shame to see it paved over."
As for the kidnapping accusations leveled against him and his fellow Big Bad Wolf Impersonators, Mr. Swaggertongue pleads innocence. "I don't know anything about the six kids who disappeared. Or however many it was. Was it six? How should I know? What I do know is this highway would be terrible for the environment. Check out this map--it runs right over my Uncle Grizzletooth's den. It'd be an eyesore too. Look, it clearly cuts across some great hiding places--I mean, uh, scenic hideaways."
The project is also proving a tough sell to elderly residents. "Bah! Kids were made of tougher stuff in my day," says Scarlett Hoodwink, 64, who claims to have faced the real Big Bad Wolf in her youth. "Back then, we strayed off the path all the time. Sure, you might get swallowed but you just toughed it out and waited until a woodcutter came along to slice you out."
Residents will have the opportunity to influence the course of the project when public consultations begin next Friday.
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