Tomorrow [Ethan Dolan fanfic]//COMPLETED

Chapter 2

Chapter 2: no tomorrow

Yesterday night was creepy and made me feel so anxious(surprise, I feel anxious!) All the seniors of St. Paul's high school were there and I REALLY dislike them.

 Veronica's the bitchy senior who can get any guy to sleep with her, Eve's the shy girl who's been getting bullied ever since freshman year, Simon's the hot guy whose ego is high enough, Kylie's the very confident and loyal girl to her boyfriend Sam, Paul's the guy who thinks the high school was built in honour of his name, and most importantly Leen and Gray, also known as the inseparable couple who does drugs together, parties every night, drinks endless bottles of vodka, skips classes together, almost lives together, makes out in the middle of the class and doesn't give a damn...

And then, there's me, the one who...Well, I don't even know what I am or who I am. I feel lost in the emptiest places, lonely in the biggest crowds, and dead on the inside no matter what I do or who I am with.

I stopped to believe people who say that one person can change your world. Here I am, living for eighteen years now and yet no one could ever change my world or the way I feel. I can't even change it myself.

I believe in one theory only, and it's that one person might change your world for the worst, but never for the better.

Today's Saturday and I've got nothing to do. I mean even if I were to go out, my anxiety would probably scratch my wig and keep me stuck in my bedroom. It never fails to hold me back. I wish I were as powerful as my anxiety.

I eventually ended up spending the whole day alone in my house, looking for some brand new music to add to my playlist and eating chocolate the whole day. Oh, and my phone kept ringing all day long. It was actually some "friends" (as people like to call them) who seemed interested in hanging out. No wonder, I didn't even bother to answer their calls. I'm sick. Sick of these people believing that I actually like this "friendship". I'd rather drown alone without bothering anyone to help me out. The only reason I ever talk to them is to survive high school to be honest. High school is already rough, so facing it alone will eventually make it a billion times harder.

My day got wasted, just like any other Saturday. It was around 10 p.m. and I started to write in my journal. I wrote every little thing about me, my problems, my anxiety, my panic attacks, my depression, the people who hurt me , and...Liam.

Today, just like any other day, the lines written in that stupid journal all include Liam.

I wonder what anyone would think of me if he ever were to find my personal journal. He  would probably see me as a dark, psycho, unhappy, broken, and suicidal girl.

I mean, where's the lie?

Today, I just felt like writing in my journal is an absolute nonsense, it won't heal me nor carry my broken heart away.

Today was one of the darkest nights ever.

Today, I realized that living is just another useless pain.

Today, I figured out that cutting may not stop the pain neither.

There was absolutely no meaning to my life anymore. So why being a part of it in the first place?

I ran out of the house without looking back, nor thinking of anyone or anything, besides the fact that I want to end me and nothing could ever stop me from doing it.

"Countless reasons to do it but not a single reason not to" is the only thing that plays in my mind ever since I became a teenager. It sucks.

In that darkest night, on that rainy day, I stood up in the middle of the highway, and prayed that a car would go over me and shatter me into a hundred pieces. I was wishing for a Range Rover though. I think it is easier and quicker for a car to hit me than to jump off a cliff. We got no time to waste. The earth doesn't want me anymore, not even for another second.

It was coming, here it is! I am happy for the first time ever!

Well, maybe not this time.

Stupid lights! Why did that man in that stupid car have to turn the lights on while driving? Why do people care so much about being able to see the road at night? Just go on, if you make it to your place then good for you, and if you don't then it's okay! You may get your car crashed and that would be it. Stupid lights! Stupid lights! I even fail at dying! I can never succeed, not even at disappearing! What kind of a failure am I?

"Hey you! What are you doing in the middle of the road at 11 p.m. for God's sake?! I was about to hit you! Do you even know what that means? I was about to kill an innocent young girl! Are you crazy?"

Why was he shouting though? I decided to end my life and I'm okay with it, why does it bother him that much?

"First of all, I am Faith and I decide what to do with my own life. You could have just went on with your ride, hit me, and yeah, just keep going!" I started to cough because of how much I was shouting.

 "You are in a really bad mood right now and nothing I say will ever make sense. Let's just be thankful I slightly saw you and immediately stopped the car".

Is he serious now? THANKFUL? More like disappointed.

"I can't drop you to your place tonight because you will eventually get more suicidal thoughts and do it all over again. Get into the car and you will spend the night at my place. Don't worry I've got many rooms though", is that strange man serious right now?

"No I am not going home with you. Thank you, I don't want to have sex with you, I'd rather die" I replied ragingly.

"Just spend the night at my place and you can go tomorrow. No one wants to get scared by a girl standing in the middle of a highway at midnight".

I'm starting to feel sleepy and I couldn't even stand up on my knees anymore so I laid on this man's car unconsciously and I felt someone carrying me inside the car. I was way too asleep that I couldn't even stop him.

I am going to beat him tomorrow for making me do something I refused to do.

Woah, did I just say "tomorrow"? I hate that word.