Surviving the Harrison Boys (Re-write)

eighty-six // demons (cody's pov)

"Hey, faggot!"

"Fucking faggot!"

"We don't wanna be friends with your kind."

I shot up in bed, sweat dripping down the sides of my face. It was four o'clock in the afternoon, and I was sleeping. I had been doing this since the altercation at school.

I felt like I couldn't push myself to do anything except sleep. It was a nasty cycle of forcing myself out of bed every morning, dragging myself through school, and coming home to just lock myself up in my room and sleep until the next morning. No eating, no drinking water, no talking to anyone. I couldn't even talk to my own twin when we rode home together. I couldn't bring myself to.

My window was shut and my curtains were pulled closed, making the room dark. My room was stuffy and smelt stale. Clothes were all over the floor. I had bowls and plates filled with half or completely untouched food that Flynn or Hunter or my parents had brought in for me to eat while I slept. Sometimes I took a couple bites, sometimes I just stared at the food until it got cold and I lost complete interest.

I laid back down and grabbed my phone. The bright screen caused me to wince and I put the brightness down. I pressed shuffle on my music, and a soft fingerpicking guitar began to play as "You, the Room, and the Devil on Your Shoulder" by As It Is began to play. I would've laughed at the irony in any another situation; if I didn't feel as shitty and as worthless as I felt right then.

"Take care of yourself but carry the whole world. Just forget that it hurts from ankle to collarbone. And you think and you bury your head away and you sink. It's just you, the room, and the devil on your shoulder.

Take care of yourself but you wish you were like them. So calm and assured, emotionally colourful. You're a fake. As soon as the door closes, you break. It's just you, the room, and the devil on your shoulder.

Take care of yourself but you're nothing but trouble. Just the damage of thought you'll never recover from. How you love, a world you're only dreaming of. It's just you, the room, and the devil on your shoulder."

I abruptly sat up again and shut off the music. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I threw the covers off of me and swung my bedroom door open. Blake was just coming out of his room and jumped at the sudden sound. He watched me with careful eyes. "Hey,"

"Hi," I replied.

"Everything okay?" He asked.

You know when everything's really not okay, but you don't want to bother another person with your problems so you plan to lie that you are okay, but the moment they ask if you're okay it really hits you how not okay you are and you start sobbing like a little bitch?

That's exactly what happened.

Blake frowned as he wrapped me in a hug. I gripped my brother's shirt as my legs wobbled underneath me and took us both down to the ground.

"It's okay, it's okay." Blake cooed. "Deep breath, man."

"It's not okay," I cried. "I feel like my whole life is falling apart."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

I looked at my twin. "I don't know. I just...coming out was supposed to take a weight off of my shoulders. I've just been miserable."

"How? Talk to me, C." Blake was still holding me, and judging by how tight he was holding on it seemed like he didn't plan on letting go.

"I can't sleep. I can't eat." Tears welled up in my eyes again. "I can't even think properly. I just feel heavy all the time. I don't wanna see anybody. I don't want to talk to anybody. I just want to curl up in a ball and disappear."

"Cody," Blake whispered. "Don't say that."

"It's true!" My voice was barely above a whisper as I pulled back to look at my brother. "I have this little voice in my head always telling me I'm not good enough; that I don't deserve happiness. It's always in my fucking ear and I just want to blow my brains out. I'm tired, Blake. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of feeling this way."

Blake's lips trembled as he sucked in a deep breath and pulled me back into a hug.

"I don't want to do this anymore." I admitted shakily.

"Do what?" He asked.

"Live."

Blake shot back and grabbed my shoulders, shaking me. "Don't you ever fucking say that again, you understand me? Don't you ever say that. Cody, you deserve everything good. Happiness, love, peace. All of that. God help the motherfucker that tries to take that from you because I'll beat their ass into their next fucking life. Nothing feels okay right now but it will be and I will be here every step of the way to make sure things get better.

"You're not alone, okay? You've got me, Hunter, our brothers. You have Mom and Dad, you have Kevin. Fuck man, you even have Jaiden and all of Hunter's friends who've taken you into their friend group. It may seem like it but you're never alone, Cody. Please don't ever say that again. You're going to be okay. I will help you. I will always be here. I promise." He squeezed me again tightly. "And I'm so sorry for belittling your feelings and making shit all about me when you came out. It was just wild to me that I wasn't the first to know because I made you feel so uncomfortable and unsafe, and that's the last thing I'd want to do, you know that. What I should've done was remind you how much I love you and let you know that whoever you choose to love doesn't change anything between us ever. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters to me."

I buried my face into the crook of his neck and held Blake tightly. We probably looked like crackheads sitting on the floor in the hallway.

I felt another pair of arms wrap around us. I glanced upwards and just saw Hunter's floppy bun leaning against Blake's shoulders. I reached for her hand and she squeezed it.

"I don't know what's happening, but I thought I'd give some extra love." She said. Blake let her in on the hug and the three of us sat there, holding each other.