Jally

Bullet

⚠️⚠️⚠️TW⚠️⚠️⚠️

I stood on the rooftop, an empty Jack Daniels bottle lying on the ground behind me. I stood there, looking at how beautiful the sunset was.
I fiddled with the gun in my hand, did I was to do that, or jump? I wasn't sure.
I thought about Dally. He'd be heartbroken, but I was too far gone to care. I sat down, dangling my feet over the edge, and glanced down at my wrists.
Pinkish scars covered them, all the way up to the crease of my elbows. I sat there sobbing, wishing Dally would come save me, but he was never coming back. That was my fault.
"Johnny," he said, pleading with me.
"No!" I screamed, letting anger get the better of me. "I never asked for your help! Just go... I hate you."
He had found out I cut myself, and I reacted in the worst way possible. And then he left. I hadn't seen him in a week, and I had declined into a spiral of insanity. Nobody in the gang could help, not even Sodapop.
I shook the thought from my head, wiping the tears off my face, standing up. Sniffling, I grabbed a notepad out of my back pocket, took out six pages and addressed one to each of my friends.
Dear Steve,
You are an amazing friend, remember that. Thanks for always talking to me when nobody else would at school man.
Love Johnny.

Dear Two-Bit
You are by far one of the funniest people I know. Never stop. You always brought me joy, even on my darkest days. Thank you.
Love Johnny.

Dear Ponyboy
You are my best friend. Just know I'll always be there for you, just like you were for me.
Love Johnny.

Dear Darry,
Thank you for treating me like a brother. You know, I saw you as a father figure, and I'm sure one day you'll make a great one.
Love Johnny.

Dear Sodapop,
I know you told me to tell you when it got bad again, but I couldn't. I'm so sorry. I tried so hard to pretend I was ok, but I wasn't. I should have told you. Please forgive me.
Love Johnny.

Dear Dallas Winston
You know I love you more than anything in this life. You were kind and loving to me when nobody else was. I hope you never forget me, I'll never forget you. Thanks for everything. And I'm so sorry I reacted the way I did. That was wrong of me. Forgive me, please. I love you, to the moon and back.
Love Johnnycakes.

I tucked the notes into the front pocket of my jean jacket, buttoning it shut.
"Johnny!"
I spun around, gasping in surprise. Dally stood there, looking at me crying.
"Dally?" I asked shakily. "Why are you here?"
     "My gun was gone... I had to check on you. I was so scared, the gang didn't know where you were."
     "H-how did you know I would be here?" I breathed.
     "On our first date, you took us here to watch the sunset," he explained. "Now please just put the gun down."
     I shook my head no. "I'm so sorry I snapped at you."
     "Johnnycakes, I'm not mad. And I never was, please don't apologize. You didn't do anything-"
     "I told you I hate you... you can't forgive me. I shouldn't have ever said that." I could feel a panic attack coming on and if I went down, Dally would get me and take me away.
     I stepped back, just as Dally stepped forward. "Johnny please put down the gun," Dally pleaded again.
     I could do that. I took another step back, throwing the gun to the ground, reaching into my pocket and taking out the letters.
     "What's that?" Dally asked.
     "Letters. Give them to everybody please." He knew I was talking about the gang.
     He realized then that he couldn't save me. "I love you Johnny Cade," he said, his voice cracking.
     I nodded. "I-I love you too, Dal."
    

     And then I jumped.