Anorexia, it kills - 01 ~ Yoongi X Bts ~

I'm hurting me, & Idgaf

I lift my head up, "Hey kid, you're here." I smile kindly at him, and exit the car. I walk into the park, and walk around to find something. Find what...? You'll see sooner or later.

~ ~ ~

I sit on the ledge of the fountain. At least I have this park. No one else knows about me coming here. I come here to cool down. To help me not hurt myself. And honestly, it's been doing it's job pretty well for a while now. Not a single cut on me, right? Without this, I'd probably be dead. And I know, my friends should be my park but...they aren't. That's okay with me. As long as they're in la la land or whatever, I'm fine with this. I'm perfectly fine with this! I'm okay, I'm doing fucking great!

~ ~ ~

I slip into the house, closing the door softly behind me. I creep up the stairs, and into my room. I sit on my bed, panting. I'm so out of breath for some reason..

"Yoongi? Where have you been? Why are you so out of breath? Are you okay?" Jimin says, running into my room, and sitting beside me.

"Just having my fun," I chuckle, feeling the pain in my body from starving the past 9 days. I tilt my head, "Don't get so worked up over me, I'm a waste of time, Jimin."

"Yoongi! Don't say that," he says, hugging me tightly around the waist, his arms meeting back at his shoulders. He gasps silently, and pulls back.

"What? What is it?" I say, reaching for a hoodie in my closet.

"Take your sweater off, now," he says, almost stuttering over his words.

"No," I say, "I'm changing once you get out of my room, Jimin."

"Roll up your sleeves then," he says. Oh, he thinks it's that. Hah, well, at least this will prove to him that I'm fine.

I shrug, and roll them up, "What were you expecting? It's just arms."

He lets out a breath, and sits closer to me. He takes his hand, and wraps his thumb and pinky around my wrist, a big gap underneath it. He lets the meeting fingers travel all the way up my arm, still meeting, still a gap underneath. Now he's checking how fat I am? Great..

"Yoongi, you've gotten too small," he says, shaking his head, as he hugs me again, "And I..." He starts to cry into my shoulder. And I let him cry, as I circle his back in small strokes.

"Jimin, are you okay?" I ask, as he lets go and lifts his head up.

He nods, wiping his tears, "I'm fine, but you aren't."

I laugh, "I'm great. Thanks for that fat shaming by the way..." I mutter. He looks at me, in complete shock.

"Yoongi, I was doing that out of concern. You...look unhealthy. Not in any way fat at all! Underweight, thin, skinny. Why are you doing this?" He says between sniffles, "Take off your sweater, and change into that hoodie."

I nod, and stand up, "Get out for a second then."

"In front of me, right now. Change," he insists, "Do it Yoongi."

I shake my head, and take my sweater off. I bet he sees it. My stomach. my arms. my neck. my face. My feet. My thighs. All of my imperfections. My flaws. I'm one huge flaw. One huge mistake.

I try and slip the hoodie over my head, but Jimin shuts the door. He locks it, and pulls the hoodie off. "Yoongi, I can see your rib cage. When was the last time you ate?" Jimin says, crossing his arms firmly across his chest.

"Dinner..." I say, "You saw me eat a wing at dinner."

"Without purging it out," he says, turning his head to the floor.

"I didn't...I-I did. But....I just felt sick," I say, half lying to him. I hate lying, to anyone. But I can't let him know about this. About the starvation. The addiction.

"Yoongi, you're beautiful...you just don't know it. But this, you're hurting yourself. Killing yourself, slowly ripping out the parts of you..scale. Now," he says, grabbing my hand tightly, and lifting me onto the scale. He managed to lift me on with zero effort, wow he's strong...

"38kg?!" he says, nearly going into extreme panic.

I hop off the scale and hug him, "Jimin, pl-please calm down. You're gonna send yourself into a panic attack.."

He takes steady breaths, clenching onto me, "I will, but once I do. We will talk about this. In depth. I don-t...care...that....it's.....1 am...but, ah, we need to talk about this."

We sit back on my bed, "So, uhm, you were s-saying?"

"Why do you starve yourself?" he blurts quickly, looking at me dead in the eyes.

"Jimin...at first it was just because I wanted to be like the rest of the group. I wanted to be thin. I'm still fat Jimin....I want to be thin. B-but now I'm addicted and I just want to die sometimes Jimin.." I say, looking at him with tears eyes. I lean into his chest, "I don't like being fat."
"Yoongi, you're no where near being fat. Okay? Not even close, and you never were fat. And if you wanted to loose a bit of weight, or felt like this. You should've come to one of us. You know we all love and care for you deeply," he says.
I shake my head, "I've been ignored. You're all just blinding yourselves from me...well except for you, to be honest. At least I have you..."
"You'll always have me, and them. I'll talk to them. But get some rest, and you're eating tomorrow," he says, getting up, and exiting the room.
"Goodnight, and I'm not," I mutter the last two words.
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