[[[the wonderful mess that we've made]]] [[[part iii]]]

7.

I watched Bastille perform from the sidelines, secretly smiling to myself. They never failed to blow me away. And this had to be the biggest crowd I'd seen them pull in yet. 70,000 people all singing along. And when they came off stage, I hugged Woody, Kyle and Will and congratulated them on another fantastic show. And for the first time since our argument, I made eye contact with Dan. I felt my heart speed up and my palms go a bit sweaty.

'You were great.' I told him.

'Thanks.' He said, awkwardly ringing his hands. 'How are you? You're with Ed?'

'I'm doing good, being kept busy.' I nodded over to my ginger companion.

'Good. That's good.'

'Yeah.' I laughed nervously.

'Are you hanging around later?' He asked carefully. I knew what he was going to ask. If I wanted to come for a drink with him and talk.

'No, we're shooting straight off to London.'

'Are you doing any other festivals this week?'

'Yeah, Budapest.'

'Oh, we're there this week too, maybe we could-'

'Dan!' I heard Dick call, motioning him to leave the side of the stage. I'm sure he had plenty of interviews and photos to do.

'I...I better go.' And he walked away, a regretful look on his face. I did my best not to let it haunt me. But during Eds set, all I could think about was how lonely he seemed. Surely he had his hands full with his baby and his girlfriend? Why would he even want to talk to me?

I collected Ed from the stage two hours later and steered him past dozens of crew all congratulating him on another flawless performance. Our bus was waiting to take us back to the airport. But as normal, he got caught up talking to someone.

'One minute, Teddy.' I warned him.

'Yeah yeah.' He waved me off. I shook my head and let out an amused sigh. They were all the same.

I could see Dan stood by the big yellow Bastille bus, not five feet away, his back to me. But I could still tell it was him by the shape of his now famous hair cut. And then he span around I couldn't tear my eyes away from the little baby girl he had in his arms. I was drawn to them. Before my brain knew I was moving, my feet had swept me closer. I had to know.

'Is she..?' I asked. I held onto the little girls fingers and smiled. She was beautiful. Could this tiny person have been responsible for so much hurt?

'Oh, God, no.' He laughed slightly. 'This is one of the crews kid. He's gone to the toilet, I'm just baby sitting a minute. No.' He sighed. 'We got a DNA test, the baby wasn't mine. She'd been cheating on me for months, the baby was his.' Now I understood the look of sadness in his eyes. After all we'd been through, the break up, to then find out the baby wasn't biologically his. I couldn't begin to contemplate how difficult that must've been. How did anyone recover from that?

'Oh. Sorry. I didn't-' I felt awful.

'Its fine.' He shrugged and looked down at this little girl in his arms. 'I wouldn't have made a very good father anyway.'

'You're wrong.' The words were spilling out. Regardless of everything we'd been through no one deserved to go through that. I wanted to comfort him.

'I'm not a very nice person, Lily.' He said quietly. Almost in a whisper.

'I think you're an idiot but no one deserves to go through that.' I told him. He shook his head.

'What I did to everyone-'

'Come on then Lil, let's go.' Ed was the one to urge me along this time.

'Bye, Dan.' I smiled.

'Bye, Lily.' He returned.

Once back on the bus and down the road, I caught Ed smiling weirdly at me.

'What?' I laughed nervously.

'That thing with you and Dan Smith earlier.'

'What? I used to be his tour manager.'

'Yeah right.' He sneered. 'That was awkward as hell. That's why I thought I'd pull you out of there.'

'It wasn't awkward.' I shrugged, lying. But I knew Ed could see right through me. His blue eyes bore into mine. I couldn't lie to him as much as I tried. 'Ok so we used to go out. That's all.'

'Lillian.' He scorned. He never called me by my full name. I knew he meant business.

'Jeeze, Teddy just drop it.'

'No. I know you're my boss and all, but you're my friend too. And I look after you as much as you look after me.' He was right. It was barely a work relationship and more of a couple of friends on the road.

'He was...he is...he's my husband.' Or at least until he signed the divorce papers.

'Oh. Shit. Ok. Wasn't expecting that.'

'We had a massive fall out and everything's so fucked up.' I began to cry. I thought I'd cried all my tears for Dan. But they still flowed. And now having spoken to him and seen the hurt he must've been going through, I felt truly awful. He wasn't a bad guy. He just made stupid decisions.