[[[the wonderful mess that we've made]]] [[[part iii]]]

16.

'Lily!' I heard a familiar shout as I weaved my way through tents, chairs, leftover food, empty bottles, passed out people. My stomach dropped to my shoes. Couldn't he understand I didn't want to speak to him?

'Oh for god sakes just leave me alone.' I sighed, not really expecting him to hear me and continued my assault course.

'No. This has gone on too long.' He had caught up with me. He was now directly behind me. 

'Don't you get it? I don't care anymore, Dan. Go and have fun.' 

'I want to talk to you.' 

'Just...' I began and stopped to face him. I could see just how upset he was. And that hurt. I didn't like knowing I was causing him pain. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to be free of this feeling in my chest. 'Just let me go. Please?' I begged him. Not in the literal sense. All I had to do was run and I could probably lose him easily. I wanted him  to realise I couldn't do this anymore. 

'I don't want to. Can't you see I love you? And I know you love me. Why else would you be acting like this?' His words shocked me. 

'I don't...it's not that I don't love you...I...' No coherence came from my lips. How could he still love me? After everything we'd been through, how? We'd barely been together. We hardly even knew each other. I wasn't sure if I did love him. I was in love with the idea of him. But wasn't it obvious that we didn't work together? We were two very different people with different lives. We'd tried to be together twice and each time it had ended in tears. 'I just can't keep repeating my mistakes. It's the first sign of insanity you know? Repeating your mistakes and expecting a different outcome. You lied to me and you cheated on that poor girl...'

'I am a lot of things, I am an idiot, I am selfish, I am a horrible person, I am over protective but I am no cheat. Emma and I were over. I didn't know she was pregnant. Honestly. I promise you that. I wanted us to be together. I still do.' 

'We can't do this anymore.' I wiped away a stray tear that had escaped unexpectedly. My heart was breaking into a million pieces. I held his gaze for a moment. Staring right into those crystal blue eyes, so full of regrets and pain. It hurt too much. 'I'm sorry.' I managed to say before my chest was heaving with sobs. I turned but he took my hand and pulled me back.

'Stop running away.' He whispered. He wrapped his arms around me and I couldn't resist. I melted into him. I felt like that scared little girl I'd been on the train the day we met. 'I'm a twat. All I ever wanted to do was protect you and I pushed you away. I ruined everything.' He whispered as he stroked my head. I looked out from his arms at the sun setting across the campsite, casting long shadows over all the tents. No one knew who we were. No one stumbling past us paid any attention to the scene before them. 'There is nothing I could do or say to make up for everything but I want to try. Let me try.'

I looked back up at him. I studied his jaw line, etched with stubble, his kind smile and those eyes. I saw the knight in shining armour from years before. 

'Ok.'

I felt the weight of the world lift from my shoulders.