[[[the wonderful mess that we've made]]] [[[part iii]]]

27.

The place I'd last seen her in was no longer there. The bar, benches, all the people who'd been enjoying some free time before the show, were gone. Only a pile of rubble and people scattered everywhere on the ground remained. There was security pulling unconscious bodies out, all bloodied and injured. I screamed out Lilys name but I didn't know where she was or if she could even hear me above the shouting of a thousand other voices.

I helped a lady up to her feet from the ground, apparently thrown clear of what had happened but clearly suffering a bad head wound. I sat her down on a patch of clear grass next to a dozen other dazed people, some ten meters away from the crush.

'What happened?' I asked her. She couldn't speak. Or maybe she didn't speak English. The gentleman holding a broken arm beside her, silently crying and desperately trying to get his phone to work, answered for me.

'There was an explosion or something. It just came out of no where. We didn't stand a chance.' He muttered before answering a phone call from a scared friend or relative. I couldn't help but listen in as he explained what had happened and that he was safe. I'd never been involved in anything like this before. It was awful. It was like I was trapped in a nightmare. I could hear people crying and shouting for help from under the pile of debris.

I had to find her. I had to believe she was ok. Maybe she'd walked away before it happened? Maybe she and Ed were somewhere safe? I rang her phone but it went unanswered.

'Kyle!' I spotted my bandmate running towards me. I knew they'd all been safe by the buses on the other end of the site.

'Jesus, are you ok?' He asked, throwing his arms around me. I'd never been more grateful for his strong hold. Like he was keeping me together, stopping me from falling apart at the seams.

'I'm fine, I can't find her.' I didn't need to explain to him who I meant.

'Mate, we'll find her.' He told me, holding onto my shoulders tightly. 'We'll find her, ok? I'll look over here.'

I stood up on the highest point of the pile and looked out. There was devastation everywhere. Just moments ago there had been thousands of people all having a good time. And now it was all gone. Just moments ago I had thought everything was going to be ok. And now I didn't even know if she was alive.

'LILY!' I screamed desperately. But it only mingled with the voices of a hundred other people shouting out to their loved ones.