[[[the wonderful mess that we've made]]] [[[part iii]]]

42.

We sat watching Wheel Of Fortune, sipping cups of tea and eating biscuits. I could've got used to this. But I was due back on the road soon, far away in America. I'd pushed the record company back as far as I could, delaying a tour and various other important appointments. I wished I could take her with me. I knew she'd be fine on her own, now she could just about get around on her crutches and she'd been weaning off the drugs, but I didn't want to leave her.

Two blank words came up on the screen showing only three letters.

'Final Countdown!' She declared. And seconds later, the host announced the same word.

'What?! How did you...?'

'Not just a pretty face.' She grinned.

'Thats some Rainman shit right there.' I laughed.

'I may be a shit tour manager, but if can play Wheel Of Fortune.' Her words shocked me.

'What? You're not a shit tour manager...' I told her. Where had she got that idea from?

'I couldn't keep Ed safe.' She said, sadly and quietly.

'No one could've predicted what happened. How were you supposed to keep him safe?'

'I don't know. But I should've been with him in the hospital. That was my job.'

'Lily, you were really badly injured. You can't blame yourself for anything that happened.'

'I'm just doubting that I can do this anymore. It'll be months until I can go back on the road. Ed already has a new guy.'

'And you will be fine. Maybe you need to take a break for a while?' I had sensed this might happen. Being stuck inside all day and night with no one but me for company when she already had a fear of being caged in, surely couldn't be good for her mental health. The nightmares proved as much. I don't know if she could remember what she'd shout out, begging to be let out, pleading not to be a prisoner again, I tried my best to calm her down but some nights she cried for hours. It was all too much for her. She had done nothing to deserve the cards she had been dealt in this life.

'Maybe.' She sighed and her eyes locked on the tv. I definitely didn't want to leave her.