You Get Me | A Bucky Barnes Love Story

Ten ~ Just a Feeling

October 25th, 2016

Maya:

"Maya do you care to explain your story. This will be the last thing I ask you to do before we're done for the day. Yeah?" the therapist asked. The therapist was aware of our situation. I was told by Steve that Tony had paid the therapist extra for the incentive to keep her mouth shut about her new patients. I was also told that the only people receiving results and reports of our therapy sessions would be Me, Bucky, Steve, Dr. Banner and Stark. But I still didn't trust this girl. Yes, she had some of the best psychiatric education there was to offer in the United States. And yes, she had her reputation among the medical field in the state of New York, probably the whole country, but I still couldn't share my story with her.

"I'm not particularly comfortable sharing that information," I bluntly responded, trying to sound as professional as possible.

"Perhaps Bucky could explain some part of it? Is that okay with the both of you?" The therapist offered.

"It's okay with me as long as it's okay with her," Bucky interrupted. Bucky had proven himself to be a good roommate, he was fairly clean, he always woke me up every morning for breakfast as I was still not completely used to the New York time zone and because of my messed up sleep schedule. Bucky and I would mostly talk about our pasts among other things, I always tried to help him remember something by encouraging him to keep explaining, and he occasionally asked me a few questions about the red room, which always got me excited because I thought he would remember that he was the one who trained me there.

"...Okay," I simply said. I knew Bucky would help me through this situation, I trusted him, only a little bit, but that was more than I could say for anyone else in the facility. Judging by what I had heard from Steve, he seemed like a good guy in the 40's and having to be shoved into activities together like testing in the lab, some training, and therapy showed me that he really was a good guy. Although he was fairly quiet. He only spoke to other people when spoken to and he would really only talk to Steve and me, more so Steve. And the only three places he could be found was our room, Steve's room, and the training facilities. "Um... okay. I was born in Canada and I spent the first few years of my life living there," I said. I looked over to Bucky, he gave me a small smile and a reassuring nod, for some reason that was all I need to keep going. "I was told that my parents died in a car crash when I was around two years old, I had no other known family members so I was put into the foster care system. About a year later I had been adopted and the family lived in Russia... and..." I couldn't continue, I tried to but nothing came out. I looked over to Bucky with a look resembling puppy dog eyes. That was the first time I had let someone see me cry in a long time.

"...and that's where she grew up," Bucky continued. He looked back at me and I nodded, encouraging him to keep going. "In the Red Room, or the Black Widow Program. When she was eighteen-" I shot Bucky a look, trying to silently yell at him that I didn't was the therapist to know too much about my time at HYDRA or about my final test. "When she was eighteen," Bucky restarted. "she was taken by HYDRA." I silently thanked Bucky and started to continue my own story.

"I spent around three or four years in HYDRA, which for me was mostly training. I eventually escaped..." I started to choke up again. My time in HYDRA was the hardest thing for me to talk about, although the Red Room was a lot to handle as just a kid, that's what I grew up with, but HYDRA was unexpected. I was expecting to be released from the Red Room was I was eighteen, I was counting down the days until I was released from the Black Widow program, but to be thrown back into it all was just pure hell. I looked over to Bucky and silently pleaded for him to continue.

"She escaped. And she's been on the run ever since. Natasha found out about another Black Widow, which was Maya, and started to look for her. She found you in Venice?" Bucky looked over at me. I nodded.

"And now I've been here for the past week," I say, wrapping up my watered-down version of my life.

"Thank you for sharing that Maya. I'm sure that was quite hard for you," The therapist said. She gave me a sympathetic smile. Before I could stop myself I was rolling my eyes. 'Of course, it was hard for me, thank you for that observation,' is what I wanted to say. Instead, all I did was nod my head. "Well, that's all the time we have for today, you guys can go ahead and I'll give Mr. Stark your primary assessments," she said. That was when I took it as a cue to stand up and walk out the door with Bucky following close behind me. The room the therapist set up in was an area that Tony hadn't used a lot, but was a small room right across from the entrance to his lab. It was quite cute actually, there were a few sofas and couches in there, kind of like a small lounge. I quickly walked to the elevator and wiped the single tear running down from my face before I turned to push the button. I was looking at the elevator door when out of the corner of my eye I see Bucky approach me with a concerned look. He stands beside me quietly and I see him staring at me.

"What?" I say with a questioning look on my face.

"Nothing it's just... you okay?" Bucky asked. The look on his face was one of genuine concern, one that made me want to tell him all my troubles and everything I hated about myself, but that would scare him off. I could see Bucky as someone I wanted to care about, someone that I already cared for. I cursed myself for letting my emotions get the better of me. I wipe away the second tear that had slipped out today and I take a deep breath.

"Yeah... I'll be okay," I responded.

The walk back to the room was awkward. I had let my guard down around Bucky, I don't know why, but I did. I had spent most of the walk ignoring Bucky's concerned glances over at me and I was focused on composing myself, and silently lecturing myself for letting a few tears slip out. 

I can't cry, I was always taught that crying was a sign of being weak, and being weak was not good. At all. When we got back to the room I immediately went into the bathroom to rinse my face off. My eyes were slightly swollen and my cheeks were as red as I had ever seen them. My phone buzzed from my pocket. It was a text from Natasha.

Natasha @4:43pm: Meet me at the gym in ten?

Maya @4:43pm: yep. c u there

Natasha @4:45pm: Maybe I'll finally kick ur ass this time

Maya @4:46pm: keep dreaming

Natasha didn't respond. She and I were - obviously - very competitive. I had found her in the gym about a week ago when I was going to train. She had asked me to spar with her and training with her around this time of day had become a sort of routine. 

Things all over the tower had become a sort of routine, in fact. Breakfast was always around nine in the morning and dinner was always around seven in the evening. After breakfast I would always go to the yoga studio to practice some ballet with the new point shoes I had bought with Natasha on our shopping trip a week ago, which refused to break in, they were still like stones on my feet. Afterwards, I would do some weight training and cardio. Most days around the afternoon Tony would usually pull me to his lab to figure out how my powers worked, which he could never figure out, and has made very little progress. After that, I would usually go and have lunch while reading. Normally, I would get the early afternoon to myself but thanks to therapy, I had a long day. And finally, I would spar with Natasha as well as do some more weight training with her. This routine had happened almost every day I had been here so far, but I enjoyed it.

When I got to the gym I saw Natasha at a punching bag and Steve on a treadmill. So far the scoreboard for Natasha and me had been seven to zero, me. She was a great opponent, she had great technique which she always took advantage of, and for a normal human, she could definitely pack a punch. But the unstable super-soldier serum I had taken at HYDRA gave me enhanced strength and speed, which is why I always won against Natasha in a fight. We were trained the exact same way, if I had normal human strength there would be a high chance that Natasha would be handing me my ass every time we sparred since I was a little bit out of practice. "You might want to save that energy for the real fight," I said while smirking.

Natasha stepped away from the punching bag. "No, it's okay. I really feel like today is my day," she said while grabbing a sip of water from a bottle of water I handed to her.

"You sure about that?" I asked. I took my hand wraps out of the duffle bag and started to carefully encase my hands in the rough, dark blue fabric.

"No, not at all. I just have a feeling..."