You Get Me | A Bucky Barnes Love Story

Twenty Two ~ Party Pooper

November 12th, 11:26 pm

Maya:

"There's no way I'm going," I said to Wanda and Natasha, who were both trying to convince me to go.

"Tony said that if you make a good impression on the guests, there's a better chance you'll get immunity. Important people and government officials have already found out that you're staying here, so when they figure out you're not trying to kill them..." Natasha trailed off, expecting me to work out the math.

"Nope, still not happening. The minute I walk into that room people will run, or call someone, someone who doesn't know I'm here. I guarantee it. Just because I'm not trying to kill them doesn't mean they don't want me in jail or dead," I said, standing my ground. Showing my face in public would be nice, just not under the circumstances that Natasha and Wanda were asking of me.

"Not necessarily," Wanda interjected. The tone in her voice made her sound like she knew something I didn't.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Umm..." 

"Yes?" I kept pushing for information.

"Tony... made a promise... to Ross, since he found out you were here. He told Ross... that you and Bucky would be joining the team... in exchange for immunity," Natasha hesitantly said.

"...What?! Since when?" I asked in a menacing tone. Natasha knew that I didn't want to be a part of the Avengers, I told her that before I even arrived at the facility. "That was not a part of the deal!" I siad in a firm tone, trying my best to keep my composure. "I said one month until I'm out of here. One month for someone, anyone, to get me immunity and maybe I'd stay and maybe I'd join the Avengers," I said. I could feel my hands start to shake and my voice start to go unsteady. "Under no circumstances am I joining the team. Not now at least."

"Why? Why is it such a bad thing? You could help take down the rest of HYDRA, we could even get rid of the Red Room," Natasha said.

"It's been like three weeks. Three weeks in and you want me to go on a mission or something?! You can tell Tony that Ross gets me and Bucky immunity first, and then I'll think about it," I yelled. I got up and stormed out of Natasha's room. I immediately phased into the shadow dimension as I could hear Natasha and Wanda yelling at me to come back, but I needed time, a lot of time to think. "Черт побери!" (Goddammit!) I yelled out of habit. 

Russian was my first language since I was raised in Russia, but English is a close second since most of my Red Room and HYDRA missions were in English speaking countries. I walked through walls into the gym, no one was there, thank god. I phased out of the shadow dimension and went into the yoga room. I grabbed a mat and sat down cross-legged on it to think.

The reason I didn't want to join the Avengers is because I can't show my face to the public. I would drag the Avengers' reputation down with me if people didn't agree with me being on the team, and I can almost guarantee most of them won't. I had spent so much time trapped by HYDRA and wen t through hell trying to escape, going back would just remind me of everything they did to me, although it would be nice to wipe HYDRA out for good. Even if I did join and something went wrong, HYDRA could take me again, or they could take Bucky, who is far more traumatized than me. 

I'm sure Bucky's noticed the change in my sleep patterns. I'm afraid to fall asleep; when I sleep, I'm vulnerable. When I'm vulnerable, bad things happen to me. I sleep during the day because everyone else is awake, meaning they can help me. It's selfish. I'm selfish.

~

November 13th, 12:18 am - party day

"Hey," I hear someone's voice say. I keep my eyes closed and legs crossed, I didn't say anything. "Natasha told me what happened," the voice said - it was Steve, speaking with his sypathetic tone. I opened my eyes to see Steve's reflection leaning on the doorway to the yoga room. I stayed silent. "I can talk to Tony, I can see if he can make a new deal with Ross." 

"No. I need to be the one to talk to Tony. Or Ross. Either way, it should probably be me," I responded blankly, closing my eyes once again in attempt to try and relax myself more.

"Why-" he asked.

"Because I'm tired of people doing shit for me!" Steve looked a little shocked. "... Steve, I'm sorry, I-"

"It's okay. I get it. You're angry, and it's normal. What do you mean though, by people doing things for you?" Steve asked.

"Ever since I was a kid, I've never actually felt in control of my life. My parents died when I was four, and then I was 'adopted' by some family in Russia, and it turns out it was just the Red Room. So I grew up there, I learned everything they had to teach, I reached the Black Widow rank in only twelve years and they turned me into an assassin. But as soon as I turned eighteen, HYDRA took me because I was the best agent at the time. Then the whole super soldier thing happened and I don't really even know how I got my powers, then I get brainwashed," I say. At this point, Steve has already taken a seat on the floor beside me. "And it all goes to shit from there. You know the rest: HYDRA collapses, I escape, and then I'm on the run for the next two years."

"So you feel like all this time someone else had been controlling your life for you," Steve said with a sad expression. I mimicked his expression.

"Exactly. So when Natasha found me, she told me that I would at least have a hand on the wheel, but it turns out that's not the case because no one is consulting me about decisions that I should have input on, decisions I should be making for myself. So now, even here, I don't feel like I have control, and I'm surprised I haven't left yet."

"You mean leaving the facility. To run away again?" Steve asked for clarification.

"Yup." I shrugged. Every instinct I had was telling me to leave right now, to go on the run again, but something else was telling me to stay.

"Could that possibly be because you kind of like it here?" Steve asked with a small smile starting to grow on his face. He started to playfully elbow my arm.

"...Maybe," I said, trying my best not to let a smile crack through the straight face I was making. I couldn't deny it, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the building, these last few weeks have been the freest I've ever felt.

"Okay. I know Tony's in his lab right now, you should go talk to him, I can come with." Steve offered.

"Sure. Thank you," I said. I hugged Steve. I don't know why, but I did, and he hugged back. "Okay, let's go."