𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞 𝙖𝙢 [𝗻𝗼𝗮𝗵 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗮𝗽𝗽] ✓

Forty One

trigger warning ~ i do not endorse or romanticize eating disorders.

i've rewritten this so many times and i hate all of the different versions. please don't get mad if it's terrible. love all of you!

y/n pov

"i'm ready." i say to my mom. livi and noah step up and i hug them both. livi whispers something in my ear and steps back, leaving me and noah to ourselves. 

"you can do it, we all believe in you." he says and wraps his arms around me. i take in his scent for the last time and pull away, planting a kiss on his cheek. things are so hard right now. i don't even know if i want this, if i'm ready. what if i have a relapse? so many things are going on right now, and having to leave my friends and family for inpatient isn't fun. 

i look at my mom and she slowly walks over. even though we don't always see eye to eye, she's still my mom. she gave me life and i know that watching it slowly fall away is hurting her. hurting her is the last thing i want to do. 

"i love you." i say and fall into her arms. i don't want to leave her. i don't want to leave la. i want to stay just where i am, in my mothers arms. what if we just got back in the car and drove away. what if? there's no going back, this is where i need to be.

"i love you too." she says and let's go. the nurse walks over and pulls me in the other direction. i turn my head and watch as my mom and livi leave, leaving noah there. he looks at me, waves and stays until i turn the corner. i wonder how long it'll take for him the leave that position? 

"we have a session with your therapist, lana. her office is right by the nurse station. she'll tell you all about it here at wallfield and how everything is going to work out with your meals. once your all settled, feel free to explore, just stay in limits." she says and leaves me at the door to my new room. 

on the door is two poster like things with my name and the name alex on it. alex's is decorated with roses and skulls. i think we'll get along. i take a deep breath and open the door, revealing a black haired girl sitting on a bed, stick thin. she's wearing a red hoodie with black leggings.

she looks up at me and smiles, taking out her earbuds.

"hey, y/n right?" she asks. i nod and walk over to my bed, awkwardly putting my things under it. i take out my sheets and blanket, putting them on the bed. from behind me i can feel alex's eyes on me. when i turn around she's put down her magazine and is sitting up.

"so, i guess we're roommates."

*****

"and that over there is the arts and crafts room, my personal favorite. you get to make whatever you want, plus, you get to piss of whoever you want. it's a win-win." alex finishes as we end our 'tour'. i laugh at her joke and we slowly make our way to lana's room, where i'm meant to be in about five minutes.

"well, thanks for 'showing' me around." i smile and she nods, pretending to take a hat off and bows before heading in the other direction.

"have fun in there." she calls back before turning the corner. when i turn back around, a short lady with light brown hair and a huge sweater on is standing right in front of me.

"hey, i'm lana!" she says excitedly. 

good to know one of us is.

a/n - 

filler type of chapter, but i have a plan. so sorry it took so long!

<3