𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞 𝙖𝙢 [𝗻𝗼𝗮𝗵 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗮𝗽𝗽] ✓

Forty Seven

happy birthday noah <3

Y/n Pov

I look int he mirror and give myself a blank stare. What if I just relapsed? What if I just didn't go through with recovery? What if I put it all down the drain. What if I lay back down in bed and close my eyes? What if I do nothing all day?

I would ruin myself even more than I already have. Digging a deeper whole isn't what I need right now. Even though I might not want to, I need to go out and have fun. I need to live the life I have and be happy.

"How about this?" My mom asks, walking into my room. She pulls out a dress and i take it, thanking her. It's too big. I may seem like I'm gaining weight, but I can't see it that much. My ribs are here, they poke out on my chest. My arms are still sticks. My thighs don't seem to be bigger. My collar bones are still sticking out too much, but I still love them.

I roll my eyes at the stupid dress and pick out my outfit. Black and white plaid pant things, a band t-shirt and chelsea boots. I brush through my hair and apply a small amount of makeup. 

I'm finished.

*****

My meeting went well, all we talked about was what new projects to do and everything I'm currently working on. Today I don't really have any plans. I texted Noah and we planned on going out to lunch, but I might cancel.

schnapp <3 

schnapp <3 : hey, i'm really sorry but i have to cancel lunch. love you :)

y/n/n : that's okay. love you.

Well, that worked out. It's not that I don't want to go out with him, it's just that I'm tired, in a bad mood, didn't sleep last night, stressed and hungry. Not a great mix for going on a date with your boyfriend. But, at the same time it makes me want him so much.

All I need is for him to wrap his arms around me and I'm transported to a world where nothing is wrong in my life.

If only that world could exist. 

*****

"Hey, thanks for meeting me here." I say and hug her. Millie sits down in front of me and we begin to look over the menu. There are too many options and not enough details. I know I shouldn't want to, but it's comforting to know what I'm putting into my body, especially when I'm trying to recover. So many standards to meet.

My meal plan for lunch is 2 starch, 2 vegetables, 2 fat, 3 meet, and 1 milk. 

"Hi, my name is Lauren and I'll be serving you today. Can I get you started off with some drinks?"

"Can I have one of your green juices?" Millie asks and the waitress nods.

"Water." I say. How can she be so skinny? Everyday on set she would eat so much food and still just not gain and look like a stick all the time. I would watch her but I couldn't figure it out. Maybe her metabolism or something? Whatever it was, I wanted it.

"So, how have you been?" I ask.

"Great, really. Helping people is just feels so good. Have you seen my Florence By Mills adds?" She asks excitedly. 

"Yes! You're everywhere. I've been meaning to buy the full package but I've just been so busy. I'm so proud. I think Livi has one and she loves it." I say. Millie smiles.

"Good, I'm proud of it too. By the way, don't worry about buying one. I just sent out a free one to all of my closest fans." She laughs.

"Really? I can't wait, thank you so much!" I say and laugh. Before I can 

The waitress walks up with our drinks and sets them down in front of us. As I bring mine over to me she pulls out her little notepad and takes out a pen.

"So, what are you guys having?" She asks sweetly.

"I'll have the vegan vegetable pizza. Two slices." Millie says.

"Okay, and what about you?" She asks.

"Could I have the grilled chicken caesar salad please?"

"Of course, would you like your dressing on the side or no?" She asks.

"On the side would be great."

"Got it. I'll be back with those shortly."

a/n -

love you all :)

<3 lilia