Bts sickfics (cause there really aren't enough)- REQUESTS CLOSED

Random rant

Yay another chapter released out of order 👍🏻 I don't like to but I just have some feelings I want to get out. Warning: bring the soul spoilers ahead.

So just got out from watching bring the soul with a friend and someone who is just met. Now I'm sat in a Mac Donald's thinking about all I just experienced. There are several things on my mind. Firstly, when we were watching it, I obviously at some points heard the people around me crying and stuff. But me, I was sat there smiling like an idiot the whole time. For the whole thing. If you've seen it, you know that there are certain heartwrenching scenes in it. Jungkook yelling in pain while getting his stitches being one of them. It made me feel terrible. But I was still smiling, at least to an extent. Seeing it gave me that familiar pang in my heart and my stomach that I get while reading and writing sickfics. That feeling that I love. I also felt that pang in another moment. When taehyung was ill and a staff asked him if he felt dizzy and he nodded. I felt that familiar, warm pang again. It makes me feel bad for enjoying that moment. I feel like as sickfic readers we have a love/hate relationship with these moments. We hate to see them suffering and in pain, but at the same time it gives us that strange satisfaction we get reading sickfics. It reminds me of when I first started writing fanfics. I would always write about being sick or hurt, and I wondered why I loved writing these things so much. I thought I was some kind of psychopath, enjoying people's pain and misfortune. Then I found sickfics. A whole community of people who loved the same thing as me. And I thought 'maybe I'm not a psychopath in the end'. Yet I'm still too embarrassed to admit to anyone that I read and write sickfics. I'm scared that they'll think I'm weird or a psychopath. But if I'm a psychopath for liking that, then surely everyone is a little bit. Why did they put it in the film in the first place? People go to watch films to enjoy them. People watch medical dramas where people are constantly injured or ill or dying, for enjoyment. So do we really feel sad at the end of the day? Well yes, but no. We feel that pang. That strangely satisfying pang. It hurts, but we can't help but like it in some strange twisted way. We love a bit of drama and intense emotion. We don't come out of a sad movie saying we hated it cause we cried the whole time. We like the crying and the sadness. It's strange. Humans are strange.

So when Jungkook was yelling in pain, my heart clenched, I wish it had never happened, but since it did, I'm enjoying in some weird way. When the staff asked the if he felt dizzy and he nodded, my heart clenched, I wish it had never happened, but since it did, I enjoyed it in some weird way.

Anyway, that's my rant over. If you've seen the film, please tell me if you felt the same way. I want to know that I'm not insane🙂.

Update I found the Jungkook scene on YouTube and my heart 😭😭😭😭