Hell Has A New Name

13

He pulled into her driveway, nervously he debated not getting out of the car. She stood next to her bike, watching him. She didn't approach this time like she had at the beach, she was giving him space, letting him decide. She sighed after a few minutes of what seemed to be a staring contest, turned and went into the house. She left the door open.

Juice made sure everything was in the car, even removed the pocket knife from his pocket. He walked quietly into the house, eyes searching for her.

"Amber?" He called quietly, he didn't know why he whispered but he couldn't get his voice to work.

"Michael? I'm in the living room, come on in." She sounded so casual, as if he hadn't pulled a gun on her and told her the saddest thing he could remember from his childhood.

"Hey." He fidgeted awkwardly with his fingers before stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Cute house." His lip twitched into an almost smile.

She shook her head at him, and patted the couch. "Come sit. Wherever is fine."

He walked into the room and chose a plush chair across from her. He didn't even know why he'd came here, as usual he made bad decisions. He had an out, he could have just driven away.

"Water? Tea? Juice?" She asked as she walked over to the door leading into another room.

His head snapped up and his heart raced as he took in her words. Juice surely she wasn't addressing him, it was a question right? He choked.
"What?"

She smiled, a breathy laugh at him. "You dork, I asked if you wanted a drink, Water, tea or juice?"

He was able to breath for a second still struggling to speak. She left the room and came back quickly with two glasses of water.

"Thanks Amber." He took a big gulp.

They sat in silence for a little bit before he got the courage to try to speak again.
"Want me to continue or have you had enough of my sad history?" His eyes were cast down, he didn't even try to look at her. Everything hurt too much, he felt exhausted from talking about his sister, already drained. Worst of all, this pain he felt urged the compulsion to reach out to Tully. The bastard may have been a nazi rapist but he was also the only form of comfort Juice had experienced in a long time.

"I only want to hear what you want to tell me." She was genuine in her response.

"I'm leaving tonight Amber, does any of this even matter? You can go on with your life and forget about me. I really am sorry about earlier." He felt shaky and uneasy, he wanted to run. Everything would be so much easier if she would just admit she hated him. He was used to dealing with peoples hate, he'd never experienced someone trying to understand.

"If that would make you feel better, but I feel like you need to talk to someone. A friend, a professional, anyone." She pulled her legs up onto the couch, crossing them over so she was comfortable.

"Okay then. So where was I?" He thought for a moment, and then decided to pick up.

"So in middle school I fell into new friends. I was still a fucking nerd, I read all the time, was getting good with computers. One of the guys I hung out with had an older brother, he introduced me to hacking. Easy stuff at first, emails things like that. Eventually it was school records, test scores, and then I worked my way up to police records. Anyway that was later. I got busted once changing a grade, Dad was so pissed. I didn't get to leave the house except for school for months. Anyway, the older brother was... um... well... his dick was the first dick I sucked. I didn't hate it, but I didn't like it. Not under the circumstances. If I would suck him off he would keep me from getting beat up and shit at school. By the time I made it to high school he'd graduated and I had a full time job basically sucking off him and his friends for various favors. I'm not gay, I've never thought about being gay, it was just a means to an end ya know?"

The air around him started to feel thick again, he really didn't like talking about his past much. What else did he have to offer? Nothing really, he'd reached a new low, he was so ashamed of his life, of himself that he was giving out the most sad parts of his life, things that no one else knew. He was stripped bare in so many ways, stripped to the club with his sins, stripped to give to Tully, stripped till nothing was left that was his anymore. Everything he was now belonged to someone else. He couldn't see the good in that, but he was dead anyway. What did it matter if he gained an infection from the exposure to the elements around him? He'd die, and that would be a mercy it's self.