Hell Has A New Name

14

Again they sat in silence for a while. Juice was tired, his mind was exhausted, he felt claustrophobic and fully exposed. His thoughts were all over the place, his time lines getting fucked up. The fabric of the chair was starting to annoy him.
Amber took the empty cups back into the kitchen. Juice used the moment to pull his phone out, despite the war inside himself telling him he didn't need to text the Nazi he couldn't help it.

Rough day. You?

He knew he may not get a response or he would get an immediate response. As he sat trying to escape his own mind for the moment he found himself wondering what Tully would be doing. What would the remaining Sons be doing? Did they miss him at all?

Amber sat back down across from him. She leaned forward mirroring the way he sat. Hands together between her knees, elbows resting on her thighs.
"I don't know what to say. I feel like I should say something but..." she took a shaky breath.

"It's fine, I don't expect you to say anything."

She sighed. "Where are you going tonight? What is your plan?"

He shrugged, keeping his eyes on the floor.

"You referred to your dad saying was, or generally in the past tense. Can I ask why?"

He laughed a empty sarcastic laugh. "He's dead. Shot, six times, walking on the god damned side walk."

Amber gasped in horror, her mouth opened to speak but nothing would come out.

"We were all together when it happened. Press called it a drive by, we were in a bad neighborhood. Dad made a house call to a patient, mom insisted on going, took dinner. Six shots, that's not a fucking drive by, someone targeted him."

She was shaking now, she had so many questions.
"I was sixteen by this point Amber. I was hacking more than I attended class, I was slinging dope, giving head, whatever to make a buck. I literally lived a double life, my parents had no clue what I was doing. I was raking in money like crazy, I maintained good grades despite not being there, I hacked the systems to change my attendance. I was sixteen and I saw my father shoot my dad six times. My mother grabbed my little sister, and pushed me out of the way. The gun was out of bullets, I knew that, mom didn't. I felt like my extracurricular activities were to blame at the time. I didn't know who the man was, mom called him by name. He looked at her and he told her Told you I'd make you pay. Now how you gonna make it without me? That shit tore me up, that anyone would say that to my mom. All the money I had earned, I used to help pay for things we needed till the insurance money came in. Mom never asked me where I got it, I think by then she knew, or had an idea. After that night she looked at me differently, like she knew no matter her efforts I'd turned out just like the man she ran from."

Amber was full out crying now, she had never heard anything so devastating. This boy had seen so much horror so young, and given he was obviously still running, the horror must have never stopped.

"Shit, Amber I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry."

She wiped her eyes, looking up at him. "Michael please don't apologize. Look, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want too. I want to help you though. Just tell me how."

He almost felt disgusted and he knew his face matched. "Why the fuck would you want to help me? White knight syndrome or some shit?"

She crinkled her brow, hurt by his tone and confused by his words.
"Because I give a fuck Michael... Juan. You said your sister called you Juan. Why? What are you running from? I'm not going to turn you in, I just want to fucking help you." She yelled at him now, hurt, angry, saddened by him. She knew it was probably stupid given her gut inclination towards him but her heart trusted him.

He felt like he'd been punched in the gut, he couldn't breathe. The walls started to close in around him and he was gasping for breath. He slid down from the couch onto the floor, he could hear her yelling his name but he couldn't respond. He fucked up, like he always does. Just like the time he ratted to Nero, he was crying on the floor. He'd said too much and he couldn't take it back. All she had to do was google any of the things he'd told her, google his name, he'd come up.

He had to get out of there but his body wouldn't let him. He felt the cold cloth on the back of his neck and then his stomach tightened. The contents coming out of his body exorcism style all over her neat living room. Then the world was black, he felt nothing as he let himself slip into the darkness, he didn't even try to fight it. He felt at ease, it didn't matter now what happened, just like he'd felt back in Stockton. It would at least be peaceful for a bit.