The Reason/ 5SOS & 1D

Part Nine

Today marks a month of when Luke left. I've gotten somewhat used to him not being around but it still gets to me and I still wonder why he left everyday. I always come back to the same conclusion. 

I did something. 

Today I decided that I should probably spend some time with my mom. I had been really distant from her ever since he left. She tried to help me but I just pushed her away further and further until she finally just gave up. 

That hurt. A lot. 

I figured a mother daughter day could fix anything. So I woke my mom up at eight and told her to get ready because we were going out to get our nails done and then go to lunch. 

She was so excited that I actually wanted to be around her that she jumped out of bed and was ready by eight thirty. 

Driving to the nail salon was a little awkward at first but once we got into conversation everything seemed perfectly normal between us. Niether one of us brought up Luke though. We knew it wasnt a topic that needed to be discussed today. 

I zoned out while my mom was talking and when she noticed she lightly tapped on my leg bringing me back to reality. 

"Is everything okay?" She looked concerned. 

"Yeah, I was just thinking about how much I missed this. I never realized how much I shut you out after I started seeing Luke. Im so sorry mom." 

She looked suprised by what came out of my mouth. But her shocked look quickly turned into a huge smile. 

"I love you Cassie. How much time you spend with me is never going to change that." I just smiled because I didnt want to get into any deep heart to hearts. Today was suppose to be about fun. 

She pulled into the nail salon parking lot and we got out of the car. As we walked in I nearly ran straight into a woman standing in line. The place was packed. 

"Well it looks like we are going to be waiting a while. Lets go sit at that table over there." My mom said as she pointed to an open spot in the corner of the salon. 

We sat down and chit chatted about how my finals were going and I asked her about her job. My mom is a jouralist. She travels a lot during the summer so she can get more diversity in her work. But during the school year she mostly just writes from home other than her occasional buisness trip but those usually only last about a week. 

The salon finally started dying down so we made our way to the line and finally got to the front. The lady took us back to two side by side tables and we sat there and talked some more while we got our nails done. 

When the ladies were done doing our nails we thanked them, paid, and left. We decided to go eat at this cute little cafe down the street. We ate there a lot when I was younger. It was pretty much mine and my moms bonding spot. We would always go there and just sit for hours and talk without even ordering anything. Im not really sure the workers liked us, but they never sent us away. 

We went in and orded two bagel sandwhiches and sat down at our usual spot, which was a little booth on the left side of the resturaunt right by the window. 

The waitress brought our food and we ate in mostly silence. Once we were done my mom was the first one to speak. 

"Im really glad we did this." She said as she sipped her drink. 

"Me too, we should do thi-" I didnt get to finish my sentence before I was cut off by my phone ringing. 

As I looked down at the screen it said it was from a blocked number so like I always did, I hit ignore. But then they called again. 

I excused myself from the table and went to the other side of the cafe where no one was sitting. 

Cassie: Hello?

Blocked: Cassie, its so good to hear your voice. 

Cassie: Luke oh my god, where are you? Why did you leave? Did I do something?

Blocked: I cant answer any of your questions. I promise Ill explain everything when I get back, even though I dont know when that will be. I just wanted to call and check in on you. How are things there?

Cassie: Its hard. Its really hard without you here. I feel like I have nobody left.

Blocked: Thats not true. You have Calum and your mom and my mom. 

Cassie: Me and Calum are kind of in a fight right now. And my mom and I are just now getting back to good terms. Everything is just so different. Its like you were the glue that held everything together. 

Blocked: Everything is going to be okay, I promise. Whats up with you and Calum? You guys never fight. 

Cassie: Its actually about that voicemail you left him. He kept it from me and I had to find out about it from Ashton. Luke, is it true? Do you actually not love me..

Blocked: Cassie, Can we please not get into this right now. We can talk about all of this when I get back. I have way to much on my mind right now to worry about my feelings. 

Cassie: Whats on your mind. Tell me please. 

Blocked: I cant.. Im sorry. At least not right now. 

Cassie: Im scared Luke.. Im scared that things are going to be different when you get back and I dont want that to happen.

Blocked: Do you remember where I took you on your 17th birthday? Do you remember what you told me when I said I was scared?

Cassie: Yeah, I do. 

Blocked: Say it. I wanna hear you say it. 

Cassie: I said that it was okay to be afraid because being afraid means that you can feel and feeling lets you know that you're alive.

Blocked: Thats right. Its okay to be afraid Cas. Im afraid too. But I've never felt more alive than I do right now. I have to go now. Talk to Calum. Figure things out. Goodbye Cassie. 

Before I could say goodbye the line went dead. 

My heart was racing and my head was spinning. I had just talked to Luke. Where was he? What was he doing? 

But there was one question that overtook all of the others. 

What was Luke afraid of?