Lost. Nastu x reader fairy tail

Twenty three

-y/n POV-

Once I arrived in Oak town I quickly made my way into the dense forest where I was to fight all night, beating off monsters and protecting the villagers.

'I can't believe I put myself to sleep for three years!' I mentally scream at myself while dashing through the dense forestry.
'It wasn't even worth it, I didn't save anyone, no one came back, I didn't find anything else out, it was all a waste of time' I thought, letting my guard down as I let my thoughts get the better of me.

I hear a rustle behind me then I hear a loud roar, before I turn around I shoot an ice ball behind me beating off a flying attacking enemy, then I quickly return to my upset thoughts.

'I even thought that I would go back home and everything would be alright like nothing even changed. What was I thinking?' I sigh heavily.

"WOMAN!!" Shouts a forest Vulcan from above me, I shake myself out of my thoughts and look up at its contorted face with disgust.
"Not for you pall" I say and in one swift movement of my hand I slice it down, defeating it.

'I shouldn't have gotten myself so worked up and left like that. Now everything's wrong. The guild is a mess, there are practically no members left, we have no money, we are being bullied by twilight numbskull whoever the hell they are, everyone is still miserable. Now I don't even know my own age! I was 20 3 years ago but I'm still the same age, I don't even know if that was real I'm just going off what I remember. I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't understand how I cast the spell. I didn't even mean too!' I sigh heavily again.

The more I think the more upset I make myself.
'That is so typical of me to do this.' I sigh again, feeling a cold rain drop fall down onto my cheek.

"Really?" I say out loud to no one in particular.

'Now I'm lost, upset in the rain in the middle of some monster infested forest. Great'

Still disappointed in myself for believing the voice in my head that I thought to have been d/n assuring me that everyone would be back and safe, everything would be the same as it used to be and that everything would be okay, I sighed heavily again and looked up at the cloud covered night sky. 

Still to this day I cannot accept that they're all gone. It breaks my heart to think about it, I know one day that I will have to come to terms with it but today is not the day. I do no want too believe it, i mean how could I just accept that everyone I have ever loved are all dead?
I have so many memories with so many incredible people, I had such an amazing family and I let them all slip away.

The longer I sat on the ground the more painful the thoughts in my head get, I roam the darkest parts of my mind, creating situations and revisiting nearly forgotten memories until eventually I was ready to crack. I lost all feeling to my body as I felt the panic used as a chaser for my far too strong shot of anxiety setting it for the long haul. 
The familiar feeling of a self inflicted panic attack making my skin scrawl, my stomach churn and my head pound.
The storm above me got worse and worse, lightning lit up the sky every few seconds and the heavy thunder boomed tremendously as if it were loud enough to shatter glass. A jagged bolt of lightning ripped the sky in half as my tears began to run wildly down my face. Even the lightning reminded me of them all. The stupid storm bringing back memories of Juvia and laxus. I winced as each icy raindrop fell, feeling as if it were piercing my skin. The violent wind whipped my messy h/c hair around my face and tears mixed with rain as the numbing coldness gripped my heart.

I felt numb, my mind a frazzled mess and my heart cold, beating fast and hard enough to burst straight through my chest. My breathing jagged and my eyes dripping as I sat on the now wet, muddy grass I looked up at the sky once again and opened my mouth to speak but no noise came out. Instead, a painful silence escaped my lips. I felt the magic power building up in my chest once again, like it did years ago causing me to panic more than before. I sat on the ground wailing, finally letting all of the tears I had held in for so very long fall freely, although I sat on the open ground I felt trapped. No one was around to hear me or to see me like this, the only thing around me are the monsters trying to kill me, but I do not fear death. I hide my anxiety well, no one else knows I suffer from it, i mask my sadness with the best fake smile I can muster, and once again no one else knows, that being said everyone of us remaining have gotten extremely good at masking our sadness. Around me I hear the monsters in the darkness creeping towards me, all around me I am circled but my crippling sadness, mixed with anxiety keeping me firmly in place, unable to do anything. My head and my chest feeling like it was about to explode, my stomach churning, and my screaming cries pouring out trying to compete with the thunder. I can't take this anymore.
I let out one final scream, an ear piercing shriek that echoed through the trees, as I throw my head back to stare at the sky letting everything go, a wave of magic overtaking me, dispersing out around me. (Example the photo because I'm terrible at explaining)
My magic took over and defeated every monster in the forest and rendering me useless. I fell backwards, laying flat in my back panting heavily watching the rain fall toward me. 

I laid there blank for hours waiting for some energy, or for a reason to get up, but when neither came I decided to lay there till the sun rose. When the time finally came for the sun to show its flames, filling the sky with shades of orange and pink. Peach, magenta, amber and rose, it radiated a new beginning, the start of a brand new day.

I sighed heavily but forced myself to stand, still exhausted from my magic deficiency from completing my mission. I took the reward money and started my trip back home, where I was going to have a well deserved shower, eat and then surprise the guild with hopefully enough to get rid of those bullies at twilight orge for awhile.