Back to You | Jeffrey Dean Morgan

Chapter 29

Mia's POV 

It was 6 pm and I was cooking dinner when I heard a determined knock on my door. Moving the pan off the stove to avoid burning it, I went and opened the door. It was probably my neighbor wanting to ask something or just one of my friends coming over unannounced; not that I minded. When I opened the door, man was I wrong. I froze in place, whole body becoming solid rock and my stomach turned immediately into a house of butterflies. My mind was confused, eyes already teary, heart going crazy in my chest and body still frozen. There he was, the man of my life, the man who broke my heart, the man I loved so much.

''Jeffrey'' I managed to say. How did he get out of the hospital so fast? He had bags under his eyes, a scarred but extremely beautiful face, a serious expression on his face and teary eyes. I stepped aside to let him in, still a bit in shock that he was at my door. I had no idea why he was there, it all felt so weird and confusing; was I dreaming?

''Can we talk?'' he finally spoke, voice still as velvety as I knew it.

''What's going on?'' I asked before I invited him to sit down. ''Aren't you supposed to be in the hospital?'.

''They let me go earlier. We need to talk'' he said and I felt so nervous, weirdly scared and still so guilty for his accident. To look him in the eyes after so long felt so good though, but at the same time there was still a bit of anger in me. I felt all the feelings and emotions in the world at that moment.

''I'm listening'' I said.

''I was stupid. I was so fucking stupid for letting you go like that, thinking it was for the better. There's nothing I regret more than I regret doing that. All this time without you I realized that you are the love of my entire life, the light in my life, my whole happiness. I'm so fucking empty without you, you complete me and I want you to forgive me'' he was on the verge of tears and my heart was beating fast and I thought I was going to throw up because I was so nervous. Was he trying to make up? ''You don't have to take me back if you don't want to, but I need you to forgive me. I know I hurt you, broke your heart'' his voice was cracking up and I knew it hurt him to remember that he indeed broke my heart.

''You did'' I whispered.

''I'm sorry. I'm so sorry'' he was shaking his head and I was wondering if it hurt. He was probably not supposed to do that.

''Are you here because you felt lonely during this time?'' I had to ask.

''What? No. I'm here because I can't live without you and because I want you to know that I regret doing what I did. I want to apologize for being so stupid, for not realizing that we could go through all the shit together'' his fist was clenched, and I knew it still bothered him that paparazzi and media did what they did. ''Maybe it's been better for you, maybe your life without me has been better. Maybe it was a good decision for you'' yeah, sure. It was the worst, shittiest decision ever made. ''Maybe you're happier now''. Who was he kidding?

''Don't be a fool'' I said as I shook my head. ''If you only knew''.

''Tell me how stupid I am. Slap me in the face if you want to. Just tell me you need me as much as I need you''. God, I felt the hurt in his voice. I felt everything he felt.

''I never wanted us to separate because of the bullshit a stupid magazine wrote about me. Yes, it affected me, but it wasn't something that destroyed my life, it wasn't something I couldn't live with. I had you and didn't really care about anything else'' I explained and I knew he felt guilty. He looked so sad, so broken. ''Yes, I remember I said something like ''fuck it, let's do it'', but I never really meant it. I said it because that was what you wanted and I couldn't force you to be with me if you didn't want to, you know? You were breaking up with me, I wasn't going to beg you to not leave me or to force you to stay''.

''I never wanted it like that. I wanted you to be happy and I really thought you would be happy without all this bullshit people say and write. I've been feeling so stupid for what I did. Please forgive me'' he looked me in the eyes and every time he did that I felt like all the worries in the world were gone.

I didn't really know if I should be strong and hard to get, or if I should just let him know how life without him had been so far. After a moment of silence, I decided to go with the latter. ''You think I've been happy without you?''.

''I saw you a few weeks ago and you looked so happy, yes''.

''Well, that's bullshit. My friends make me laugh and they help me escape my own thoughts when I'm with them. That's all. I haven't been happy without you, I've been fucking miserable. Everything reminds me of you; every single song, every corner of my apartment, every food I eat. You're in my mind every second of the day and I miss you'' I was now tearing up so bad, but I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to be a mess.

''Fuck'' he whispered. ''Fuck, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Mia''.

''You better fucking be because you broke my heart and-'' I couldn't go on because I started crying. Could I ever be strong enough to not cry every time I talked about my feelings? I cried and then I felt arms around me. The arms I knew so well, the arms in which I felt like home, the ones I had missed so badly.

''I know I broke your heart. Let me put the pieces back together, please. Let me make it up to you, I need you in my life again. If you'll have me'' he was holding me so tight and talking gently to me and I was soft and sad and in need of him. ''I love you so much, Mia. I love you more than anything'' he took my face between his palms and looked at me with love, desperation and hope in his eyes. My heart was going crazy over him and I couldn't control it.

''You better never do that shit again, or else-'' I started, but couldn't finish because he kissed me. At first it felt like a dream, but then I quickly realized it was as real as it could get and I kissed him back, hard. I didn't know I needed someone's lips on mine like I did now. It felt so good to feel him so close to me, to taste him. There was literally not one single bit in me that didn't want him back in my life. Maybe I was weak for letting him back in so fast, but I didn't care. I loved him, needed him, adored him and there was nothing I could do about that.

''I promise I'll never be that stupid again''.