In the arms of no one (Completed)

1. Out of sight, out of mind (Edited)

Vallon's POV

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"What do you mean?" My voice rises in volume as my pounding heart repeatedly crashes painfully against my ribs. A numbness overtakes all my other senses, as my body focus on the repetitive sensation. The rapidly tightening of my chest causes me to take harsh gasps of breath as covertly as I can. But its like Im fantastically failing to suck air into my oxygen deprived lungs.

My body begins to tingle uncomfortably, and my hands start to shake. Making me aware that if Im not careful, a full-blown panic attack will be on my list of To Dos – right under involuntary exodus to lands unknown - apparently. I force myself to slow my breaths down. Will my mind to quiet the panic that perpetually lies under the surface.

Inhale 2.3.4.5.

Hold 2.3.4.5.

Exhale 2.3.4.5.

I repeat this process two more times before I begin to feel a slight semblance of calm. I shake my head sharply a few times with my eyes scrunched up trying to re-orient myself. My eyelids flutter before opening fully, allowing me to stare in stunned disbelief at the cold and heartless woman standing a couple of feet in front of me.

Surely, I heard incorrectly. This cannot be happening! I mean sure, shes made threats before - loads of times in fact. But thats what they always were, empty threats.

Somehow, I know that this time is different though. Horrifically so.

At this acknowledgement, hysteria reaches its spindly hands of havoc and wraps itself around my chest until once again my heart feels like its trying its darndest to choreograph the best dance move of all time and calling it The Eviction Shuffle.

The uncomfortable tightening in my chest slowly crawls its way towards my throat until the frightening feeling of being choked internally forces me to acknowledge that its too late. I am now having a panic attack and there is no hiding from this. I try to hide the effort it takes to slow my erratic breaths down, to inhale deeper and to exhale longer, even though every instinct in my body is just begging me to just suck that fucking air down my throat without any social decorum.

Having a panic attack right now is a bad idea. She takes pride in that fact that she does not surround herself with people who display weaknesses of any kind.

Physical and emotional representations of vulnerability in her family members have always been met with a swift and brutal punishment. Occasionally, said punishment would be dished out with more masochistic sadism than necessary. I learned that first-hand the very first time that I had a panic attack at school, back when I was 7 years old. This knowledge pushes me to hide my fit of terror because receiving a beating right now on top of everything else, would be emotionally catastrophic – for me any way.

Biologically speaking, the woman standing in front of me with the disgruntled expression on her face while eyeing me like I belong in the slums of some war-torn country, is my Nana.

I have been calling her mum my whole seventeen years of life, and she has been the closest thing that I have ever had to a real mother since her eldest daughter dumped me on her lap and left with her boyfriend without a backward glance my way.

The boyfriend that wanted my cold beautiful mother but didnt want her ugly disgusting 'baggage'. Her boyfriend that she eventually married and had two children with.

Im not jealous of the fact that Isabella got to keep my brother and sister. I love my siblings very much. I would in fact do anything for them if they asked. If wishes were singularly granted by some omniscient being, the only wish I would ever want is to be given the opportunity to get to know them better.