Dave x Jack Oneshots

8. Lost Hair Tie

"Sportsy, where's my hair tie?" Dave asked Old Sport, who was just giving out pepperoni pizza to kids. His purple straight hair was down, some of it falling onto his shoulders.

"Um, I dunno..." Jack actually pulled the tie off when Dave was sleeping, just to see what he would look like without his it for the day.

"For fuck's sake... Guess I'll have to be like this today..." Dave shrugged and was heading to the saferoom to put on the springlock bunny suit.

"Hey, purple mister!" Dave looked down to see a little girl with black and white leggings and a pretty black dress. She had brown shoulder lenght hair and brown eyes.

"What do you want, kiddo." That didn't really sound like a question, it was more like a threat.

"Your hair is very pretty! Can I please touch it?"

"No." Dave growled.

"Pretty please?" the little girl begged.

"Look, if you don't scram now, I'll-"

"DAVE." Jack interrupted the purple man's threat, glaring at him.

Dave sighed like an annoyed child and bowed in front of the little kiddin, so she can pet his hair.

"If you strangle a kiddin, I'll shove an eggplant down your urethra. And then also strangle you." Jack threatened the aubergine, making sure the girl didn't hear what he just said.

"Bye bye, be friendly!" Jack then winked at the purple man and walked off to help Ronaldo cook more dumpster pizza, like the last few seconds never happened.

Dave fears no man. But frustrated Jack. He scared him.

"Purple mister, can I braid your beautiful hair?" The little girl asked, looking up at the 6 feet tall purple man.

"Sure, do what ya gotta do." Dave kneeled down in the corner of the dining area, so the small girl can reach his hair.

The past 30 minutes were extremely boring, Dave also hated when the girl accidentally pulled his hair too harshly, making him hiss in pain.

But he would do anything for Jack not to kill him.

"Aaaaaaaand done!" The girl announced happily.

Dave stood up, feeling his back ache from sitting in the same pose for half an hour.

He looked in a random mirror, seeing his hair braided together, with a pink-bow-hairtie.

"I look ridiculous" Dave said, looking in the mirror.

"No, you look very pretty! I'm sure the Orange mister will like it!" At least the girl sounded genuine saying that. "Wait, I have an idea, wait here, sir!" she ran off somewhere in the dining area after she said that.

So, Dave waited. Not long after, the kid was back. With make-up?

"Hey, hey, you're going way too far. I'm not a drag-queen, ya know? Also, where did you get all of this from?" Purple man asked, pointing at the make-up.

"I stole them from mommy!" The girl answered, a little to casually.

"Ok, now you're my favourite kid in this pizzeria. I'm proud of you." Dave fluffed the girl's hair.

"So please let me give you a make-over!"

"Fine, fine..." Dave hasn't ever tried make-up before. You only live once, it won't hurt to try it, right?

10 minutes later...

Dave looked like a woman with a flat chest, a bulge and male clothes.

Seriously.

Some people around the pizzeria accidentally called him "maam" and "miss".

"Ok, now, go! Go to the Orange Man!" The girl encouraged.

"Um... I'm not so sure anymore..." Dave kinda panicked when he saw Jack in the distance, talking to Dee by the prize corner.

"He's your special someone, right?" The girl asked, cupping her cheeks.

"My WHAT? He's my best friend, not a lover!" Dave crossed his hands, denying what the girl said.

"Aw, that's sad... You two look like you could be a good couple though, hehe..." The girl blushed, shipping the purple and orange men. Fangirls, man...

Her words sinked into Dave's head for a little, but he brushed them off.

Dave then walked over to Jack and his sister and striked a feminine pose. "Why hello there, Old Sport...~"

Jack and Dee turned around and stared at him for a moment, before bursting into laughter.

"What? What's so funny?" Dave asked, fixing his braided hair like a girl who just saw her crush.

"You look like a fricking woman, Dave, that's what!" Jack laughed, holding onto his stomach.

Dave decided to play along. "So, you come around here often?" He leaned onto the shorter man.

"D-Dave, we're at work, for fuck's sake! How often do you think I come around here?" Jack couldn't stop laughing and snorting.

"Mhm, mhm, wanna come to my place tonight maybe? I hope my 9 inch "eggplant" isn't going to be an issue?" Dave threw in the flirty attitude. He was on a verge of laughing too.

"Jebus heckin' Christo, Dave, what the h-h-heck are you doing, looking like that?!" Peter came to see what all the laughing was about.

"Oh, hey Phoney, I decided to change my gender today, haha" Dave grinned at him.

"Dave, go wash off all of this make-up, this instant! I've been getting complaints about a transvestite in the pizzeria!"

"Ugh, fine, boss..." Dave murmured. He was just starting to get into the role of a woman.

"Also, here." Jack pulled Dave's hairtie out of his pocket and handed it to him.

"So you were the one who took it?!"

Jack put his hands up. "Guilty as charged."

If Dave didn't love him, he would've killed him.