A Second Chance at love

Chapter 26 Love hurts

Despite my 3 times a week sessions with Dr. Wakefield, I was really having a hard time getting all the bad feelings from what had taken place on our wedding night out of my mind.

I was becoming more and more tense and was no longer able to even let Jon kiss me I would literally turn away when he tried. This was causing a lot of arguments between us, and it got to the point where I just said, "the hell with it" and started sleeping on the couch.

It was just too hard for me to be in the same bed as Jon seeing the hurt in his eyes when I wouldn't let him even hug me, hold me or kiss me.

He would take Emma on the road with him from time to time, but, I always stayed home.

I was upset with myself for completely shutting down, and shutting off the feelings I had for Jon. I spent a lot of time seeing Dr. Wakefield, trying to work through my issues.

After one such session, I met Evelyn for lunch. "I can't believe how much harder this is than I thought" I told her. "I just can't seem to shake the nasty feeling he gave me or the horrible mental images."

"Look" Evelyn said, you need to put all that behind you in the past forever where it belongs-if not for yourself, but, for Jon and for the health of your marriage."

"You are doing nothing now, but continuing to feel sorry for yourself and by pushing Jon away whenever he tries to touch you-you are hurting him and putting a huge strain on the bond the two of you have." she added.

All I could do, was nod- she was right.

"As, I am sure your doctor has told you, if you have to, to take baby steps as far as getting the intimacy between you and Jon back on track." she said.

"for starters why not fly out and surprise him?" She added. "I'm sure he misses you"

"I don't know" I said I haven't talked to him for a couple days.

"If you don't do it" she told me "you'll be kicking yourself in regret for the rest of your life."

I thanked Evelyn for the nice talk we had had and as I drove home I kept thinking about what she had said.

"Why not go see him?" I thought as I went in the house and picked up the phone.

After booking my flight, I called Biscuit and asked him which hotel they were staying at- he told me and said he would meet me at the airport since he had the afternoon off.

The flight was smooth and as soon as I got to baggage claim, I saw Biscuit standing holding a sign that said "Chris Knight" I chuckled as I grabbed my bag off the carousel.

After stopping at the hotel so I could change and drop my things off, we headed for the arena. Biscuit had to head back to where the guys were so, I hung out with Tommy Mcintyre and Bethany Wood along with several other NKOTB siblings.

Before long it was show time and I sat in the row directly behind them. The show was amazing-- my hubby looked so hot in his blue jeans I couldn't help but smile.

Immediately after the show, Biscuit rounded up all the siblings and I and got us backstage- he had Robo cover for him for 10 minutes so he could take me back to the hotel since I wanted to be able to talk to Jon alone and we wouldn't have gotten that kind of privacy backstage.

I flipped on the TV after locking the door and caught the end of an episode of "COPS" as I looked for something else to watch after it ended, I heard several pairs of footsteps in the hallway followed by Jon saying," I'll talk to you guys tomorrow, I want to try and call home before it gets too late."