ANXIETY // BILLIE EILISH // COMPLETED

46 | Another Stupid Song

[46 | Another Stupid Song]

DONT WATCH THE VIDEO TILL I SAY SO !!!!!!11111!!!!!

(this is an unrealised Billie song, and my favourite song of her's, if you haven't, you need to listen to it WHEN I SAY TO DO SO )

Billie's P.O.V 

I had finished the song, I don't know what it is, and it hurts me to sing it. But I need to, I need closure. I can't do it live, because it would kill me, so I will do it later, and then never ever again. 

I walk out of the recording studio, into the kitchen area. "Hey Billie," Maggie says softly like always. She seemed extra nice recently as if she was waiting for me to break as if she thought it was inevitable.  

"Uhm," I replied, "what are you making," I ask peering my head into a pot. 

"tomato soup, Rory is ill, I think part of it is stress, she doesn't seem to be getting any better and I'm worried about, her," she says, and I pretend like she didn't. 

"Finn," I shout "Soundcheck, now," I walk out of the bus into the arena and pick up a microphone, holding it tightly in my hand, just wanting to let all my emotions be realised whilst I was singing.  "Hurry up, come one come on this isn't girl scouts," I say as he takes his time looking around the venue. 

"Billie, chill okay," he warns as he puts th guitar strap over his head, and begins to play.

                                                                                                 ---

We finish the show and I walk off stage, wiping away the tears quickly, not wanting anyone to see. I don't know how I feel, I miss her, of course I do, I also want to know the story, but I just don't know if I'm ready. Pretending everything is fine is just my way of coping with it.  

I walk back onto the tour bus, and up to my bunk, to grab a hoodie. As I open one of my draws, trying to find one I see Rory, she has a red nose and looks drained. she looks, i men I don't even know, she looks as if she hasn't slept in days.  I open my mouth to say something, then don't. don't Billie you will just end up hurt, I thought. 

I Walk away knowing exactly what I'm going to do, even if it might just be the thing that breaks me. 

Rory's P.O.V ( from the point at the beginning of the chapter)

"Rory, darling you have to eat something, or you're not going to get better," Maggie says, handing me a bowl of soup. 

I reluctantly bring the spoon of hot tomato soup into contact with my lips. I take small sips, as then I hear Billie shout something to Finneas. I continue to sip at the soup, as Maggie leaves the bus and goes to the green room. I put the TV on on watch something random, not really paying attention.

Time seems so slow, and Billie's show feels years long, all I wanted to do was have her hold me in her arms, but I'm pretty sure she would rather see me dead, and the worst bit is it was all a big misunderstanding. But none of that matters, because she is obviously completely fine.

                                                                                              ---

As we are on our way to I don't know where, I browse through my social media, not really paying attention to anyone or thing in particular. Then a notification came through 

                 Billieeilish has started a live 

I bite my lip, knowing I will probably regret what I'm about to do, then I hit join. The picture is slightly wobbly, from the bus but I can see er perfectly clearly, she doesn't talk instead she sits on a stool, her fingers on the piano.

she doesn't look straight at the camera which is good because it means she won't see that I have joined. she then starts playing,

LISTEN TO THE SONG NOW PEOPLE NOW!!

that had to be about me right? or am I just being self-obsessed? she brought a sleeve to her face, was she crying? she then ended the live and I was left beyond confused it was the kind of confused that you get when someone wakes you up partway through a dream. Not the good kind. 

I was left not knowing what to do, all I did know was that I felt sick to the stomach.