"Hey!" "You!" "Fiona!"
"I-It's Finley.."
"Right Finley.. I knew that.."
"I've seriously got to be somewhere in three hours, like seriously, seriously.."
"Do you have a car?"
"My brother does.."
"Yes!" "Can I use it?"
"I-I don't know.." "I don'...
"Take it down bil... Finneas said-" I tired speaking my voice was cut short at Billies glare snapping at me quickly "I don't give a fuck what Finneas said I'm not taking it down."
She always was able to snap at me sounding so hateful sometimes, it always brought a sinking feeling to my chest I wish she knew that.
"J-Just.. they'll get mad just take it down seriously." I sighed my brain swarming with all the comments people could be posting about us.. about me? She might be used to spotlight but I sure as hell wasn't and she knew that. But continued to push it harder.
"Jesus Finley I'm not taking it down!!" She yelled her crystal eyes sending daggers that made me shiver that familiar wave of anxiety swirling in my stomach "I'm just trying to help-" I tried saying my voice levels bellow hers I could barley look her in the eye when she was yelling at me let alone raise my own voice.
"No you're just like all of them, don't tell me what to fucking do it's my life." She angrily spat, I frowned at her snappy attitude "I know.. But its my life too you know.. I-i people are already commenting about me and I just.. I don't want attention" I tried explaining through stutters her cold glaring eyes softening slightly but quickly snapping back with a scuff "Yeah Finley well that's what its like being with someone like me, attention, so if you don't want attention then just go." She told me my heart dropping at her words.
"T-Thats not what I meant." I muttered swallowing down the lump forming in my throat, my hands were shaking by the cause of my rising anxiety attack "I know what you meant." She snapped glaring at me with anger, I sighed out of frustration quickly standing from the bed, she infuriated me there was never winning an argument with her she's too damn stubborn to ever think she was wrong.
I noticed her change of face when I stood up almost a hint of guilt and fear hidden in her eyes but she never took it a step farther in stopping me "Where are you going?" She asked her voice softer as if scared of an answer "Away from you for a second." I snapped surprised by new found confidence to snap back at her but I felt instantly guilty by the look on her face when I left her room.
There wasn't really anywhere I could go so I curled myself up on the swinging bench on her front porch the air was still and hot I thought I hated Texas weather but California was ten times worse, like hell on earth.
My eyes watched the cars drive by every few minutes as the old creaky porch swing swung me back and forth. In every way I wished I wasn't so sensitive, that I wouldn't cry at the drop of a hat or shake like a leaf when someone slightly raised their voice at me but I wasn't strong like that, not at all and it angered me I was the one fighting back tears when it was Billie that was in the wrong.
The feeling in my chest tightened hiding my face deeper into my knees as salty tears stung my eyes I knew there was no pushing them away when my vision blurred and I had no choice but to blink so I just sighed and let the tears roll in pairs.
"Are you crying because of me." A voice spoke causing my shoulders to jump, I quickly looked up seeing Billie through my blurry iris I sighed shrugging my shoulders my chin resting back down between my knees feeling her sit on the swing also.
"I know I'm a bitch." She sighed bringing her knees up also, I didn't look or respond to her out of stubbornness hearing another sigh pass her lips the bench swinging more than before "I wasn't trying to hurt you Finley, I didn't mean it, I don't want you to go." She whispered her head slightly leaning on my shoulder.
"I know." I sniffed her hair blowing in my face making me scrunch my nose "I don't like fighting with you." I mumbled feeling her lean in to me, I nearly shivered feeling her soft breaths fan across my cheek my eyes closing shut as her nose brushed near my cheek bone followed by a soft kiss on my skin "I'm sorry, love." She whispered placing yet another kiss shortly after.
"I don't want you to be sad babe, we can do something?" "Anything you want to do, I want you to have the most fun until you go back home, okay?" She told me leaning into me more, I could sense she felt bad by her display or affection towards me she was practically clinging to me as she planted kisses around my face and jaw.
"Can we just stay here for a little bit?" "Doing so much is overwhelming." I asked feeling embarrassed by my statement, I was so used to never doing anything that doing so much was too tiring to handle sometimes, maybe I'd get over that someday but it's hard to when that's all I've really ever known.
"Of course angel, we can wait I think I have an idea of what we can do tonight." She told me as I arched my brow her eyes searching my face before widening a laugh leaving her lips nudging me softly "Not like that."
I giggled under my breath sitting back on the swing as Billie pulled me towards her, I smiled growing comfortable in her embrace, her arms were tucked around me my head rested softly on her chest listening to her heartbeat and the leaves rustling in the wind, my eyes closed noticing the way Billies heartbeat would increase by my movement or my hand running along her arm or leg, I smiled at the reaction taking in the moment for as long as I could.
"Hey Finnie?" She whispered she sounded nervous which instantly made me nervous "Yeah?" I answered my eyes still closed scared to actually lift my head and look up at her "This morning you.. you said something and- and I don't know like if you meant it or like ya know if it was an accident I just..." She tried explaining her voice was shaky almost, it wasn't like her at all to be so nervous.
Instead of feeling the warmth of her body my blood went cold and I froze, I was scared to respond I didn't know if what I said was a good thing or a bad thing.
"I know we haven't known each other long but I just- I feel a connection to you unlike any other person I don't want to fuck it up Finley, I'm so fucking vulnerable when it comes to loving someone I love too quickly i attach myself to anyone I love and honestly the thought of fucking losing you when I barley even have you scares the fuck out of me."
"I actually love you Finley I'm not kidding."
"I'm in love with you and it's too early for me to fucking love you but I do and I can't help it.."
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astros lost World Series and my heart is sad 😔 you mean to tell me I was on the verge of anxiety attacks every game for them to loseee 🥺 maybe next year 🧡💙
