greed•y - billie eilish

thirty two

finley

"I wonder what the percentage of the average person dying in a plane crash is.." Billie mumbled her eyes looking out of the window of the plane that was already thousands of feet up in the sky headed back home to Texas.

I nervously chuckled at her question shifting in my seat "I don't know bil but I kinda don't want to think about that right now." I chuckled, she sighed turning her head to look back towards me her blue eyes sending butterflies to my stomach as soon as they met mine.

My heart raced wondering if she was going to kiss me by the way she was staring at me but I was too nervous to lean forward.

"Its probably higher than we think." She muttered seriously her eyebrows creased, I giggled realizing she was still talking about her question "Google it." I suggested watching her let out a huff of air and shrugging it off before she laid her head on my shoulder the weight of her body leaning against mine making me feel at ease.

The tip of my fingers drew circles in the palm of her hand as we sat together in silence the humming of the planes air conditioning creating a familiar repeat in my brain that reminded me of a catchy melody.

"Remember when we first met and I told you I'd pay you for it?" She suddenly spoke the question causing my eyebrows to furrow distantly remembering what she was talking about "Yeah, but I didn't think you were serious." I responded leaning up to look at her fully.

"I want to pay you by helping you start fresh, your room is the one place you hate the most and I want to change that so me and your brother thought it would be best to remodel it." She told me carefully in case of a protest.

"Bil, you don't have to do that seriously." I whispered feeling a rush of emotions hit me all at once, she smiled sweetly her arms tugging me towards her so she could cuddle me close "I want to, I want my Finnie to be happy." She mumbled placing a kiss under my chin near my jaw.

"I love you." I hummed earning a smile from her, the gleam in her eyes made me feel all fuzzy inside when she leaned in to peck my lips softly before pulling away "I love you." She whispered her head soon falling back on my shoulder as my stomach flipped and turned in butterflies.

When she had finally relaxed onto my side after at least thirty minutes, I knew she had fallen asleep. I smiled at the adorable peaceful look on her face as she slept.

How the hell did I get so lucky? Billie is absolute perfection and somehow someway we crossed paths in this unexplainable world and I couldn't be more happy that I did, I honestly couldn't see myself living much longer before I met her, but she brought me back to life shes the one thing on this earth that's kept me alive other than my brother.

I wish my parents were still here to be able to meet her, I know they'd love her just as much as I do, they'd except her I know they would've. There was a time when home was a place I loved to be, I loved to wake up in the morning to the smell of my moms chocolate chip pancakes while the soft sound of my dads favorite Beatles vinyl spun on the record player as he helped her around the kitchen.

Now that record player that was once used everyday laid on the same table but only collected dust because of its abandonment and the once lively kitchen was bare of any sign of use, the house felt dark and cold with no happy moments to bring the life back to it.

Remembering those moments was like a fuzzy dream, the trauma of losing them overlapped the happy memories to the point of nearly erasing them, I can't remember the sound of my moms voice I used to but now I can't and I can't remember if her eyes where brown or hazel. It was hard to remember my dads smile I can't picture it in my mind and its breaks me everyday when another memory slips from my brain as time moves on.

My weird way of grieving their deaths created more problems for me as time went on. My way of cooping was refusing to let myself grieve, my mind created this theory that if I didn't cry about it and that if I didn't talk about it I'd somehow just get over it like its nothing, but it wasn't just nothing.

During their funeral I never sped one tear, to other family I must of look insane because I knew I looked insane. That didn't mean I didn't want to cry, behind that blank face and emotionless demeanor there was a young broken girl screaming and sobbing wanting everything to be one sick joke but it never was, I never woke to the smell of my moms pancakes and my dads music again.

"Finley, baby." "Hey, my love what are you thinking about?" A soft voice broke me from my thoughts I quickly looked over meeting eyes with Billie that was wide awake now her tired eyes were filled with concern as mine filled with confusion, up until I felt the warmth of my tears that stained my cheeks.

I quickly wiped them before anymore could fall shaking my head defenselessly "N-Nothing, it's nothing." I whispered scooting over to lay my head on her shoulder like hers had been on mine before "I was just thinking." I sighed sniffing over the congestion of crying.

My eyes closed when her hand cupped the side of my head her thumb brushing past the stuck up pieces of my hair "Everything is gonna be alright." "You know that right?" She muttered quietly as I nodded my head "Mhm." I mumbled feeling my lip quiver unable to control it, the pain in my chest worsened but I ignored it by burying myself into her touch my eyes shut closed because I honesty didn't think I could keep myself from breaking down if my eyes met hers.

"We'll be landing in an hour, let's try to sleep until we do." She told me her free hand grabbing mine to hold comfortingly, I was thankful she didn't ask anymore questions even though she seemed highly concerned.

It didn't take very long for me to get comfortable cuddled up next to her and before I knew it I was asleep in a dark bliss that created an escape from the world and thoughts that I wanted to disappear from for a minute.