Views

09 | big girls cry

Summer Walker's velvet voice blasted loudly through the speakers that were situated in the newly developed basketball court Drake had constructed in his multi-million dollar mansion. Nevertheless his loud voice could be heard shouting and talking shit to the opposing team. Basketball was a sport Drake took very competitively, trash talking while playing and watching was his favorite thing to do. He knew exactly what buttons to push, shifting his opponent's attention from the game and onto him. It could also be the fact that the stakes were high, money was never an issue for anyone that played basketball with Drake. One game was valued over five thousand dollars, with that being said they would spend hours playing not only to satisfy their egos but their pockets as well. Alexandria watched from the sidelines as the guys finished up their last game. She had been there for hours, interacting with them and watching them play different games. Even though she had only knew them for a few months it felt like years. They never allowed her to feel unwelcome and always found ways to include her in their conversations. She enjoyed listening to their stories, dreams and most of all their own interpretations of their friendship with Drake. She found their loyalty admirable, they cared for each other deeply and in a way Alexandria hoped she would continue to get the opportunity to be around them.

They had placed her in charge of the playlist, hence the Summer Walker song blasting from the speakers. They were so in tuned with the game that no one had realized that the playlist had shifted from Trap to R&B. As the guys finished up Alexandria decided to use the bathroom to kill time. After a couple of minutes of wandering around she finally found the room she had entered earlier with Drake. Pausing as she spotted her reflection in the mirror as she washed her hands, she thought about how her life had changed in the past months. She had finally cut off Michelle, started working on her clothing line and most of all she was clean and attending therapy. The process had been challenging yet evolving. Alexandria had finally learnt the meaning of self control, the meaning of hope. Hope was the root of all existence, it was the reason that even though life was shitty persons were still willing to hold on and dream of a future where they were all free. Some nights she would dream of world where she was happy. A world where she was free from everyone and everything except the one person she loved the most, Alejandra. It was that dream and the daily encouragement that motivated her to be the better version of her. The illusion of a better life lingered in her mind daily and the dream served as a booster reminding her night after night that if she worked hard enough to destroy the habits that had poisoned her body she could be free. With good nights came bad nights, there were nights Alexandria would wake up in tears. The voices that had infiltrated her mind at the hotel had found it's way into her dreams. Reminding her that no matter how hard she tried to run she could never escape the future her previous actions had created. Even though the dreams only happened every once in a while the voices rested heavy on Alexandria's heart, was she on the road of recovery or only distracting herself from a future that was already written out?

"Alex? Are you in there?" Drake voiced from behind the bathroom door. He waited patiently, entering inside after Alexandria replied he could come in. The signature ear touching smile that had covered his face disappeared as his eyes found it's way to her tear stained face. "Did someone say something to you? I swear I'll air everyone out."

"No silly," Alexandria chuckled causing the tears to fall harder. "I don't even know why I'm crying. I was staring at myself in the mirror and reflecting on the past months and I just started crying."

"Are you happy?"

"E-Excuse me?" Alexandria stuttered as her heart started beating fast. No one otherwise from the guy who had interviewed her for Vogue had ever asked her if she was happy before. It was always,"You're Alexandria Lewis for christ sake! What do you have to be unhappy about?"

"Uh," Drake scratched the back of his head. Cursing underneath his breath, he continued. "I'm trying to think of a way to say this without sounding like an ass. It's just that you don't spark me as someone that's happy. Yeah, there's moments I can genuinely see that you're enjoying yourself but there's also moments where your eyes seem empty. Your spirit feels uneasy and heavy."

Bursting into a soft sob, Drake frantically moved towards her in panic. He didn't mean to overstep his boundaries, he just had a tendency to pick up on things person's normally tried to conceal. "Shit.... Alex I'm sorry. If I offended you in anyway I apologize."

"You didn't offended me," Alexandria hiccuped as she tried to wipe away the tears that were falling down her face rapidly. "I can't believe you realized all of that in a few months of knowing me. That's so crazy because there are others in my life that think I'm okay. I'm not okay. My heart hurts and I don't know how to stop it from hurting but it hurts D. It hurts so bad."

Frustration and sadness bubbled inside of her. No matter how hard she tried she was always a mess. Leading her out of the bathroom and towards the bedroom Drake tried to reassure her that it was okay and there was nothing wrong with her for feeling the way she felt. He wanted so desperately to wrap his arms around her and pull her into him but he was in need a shower. Stroking her face, he kissed her cheek before making his way into the bathroom. The tears continued to overflow as she listened to the sound of the water pouring from the shower. Just like that her night was ruined. Closing her eyes, Alexandria tried to imagine her perfect world. A world that didn't exist but served as hope that her plead for happiness and freedom would finally be answered. As her vision began to fade a smile finally covered her face despite the tears. The only time she was really free was in her dreams.

                                   

"Yeah man I'll call you as soon as she wakes up," A deep voice slowly woken her from her sleep. Turning towards the sound she watched as Drake ended the call, making his way back into the bed. His eyes widen as he realized she had been watching him the whole time.

"I'm gonna call Travis," He tried to exit the bed but Alexandria's hand latched around his wrist.

"Can you hold me please," She pleaded at him. Drake moved his body closer towards her, his arms finally wrapped around her like he wanted earlier. Alexandria's eyes began to fill with tears again as soft sobs left her mouth.

"Sshh. It's okay," He rocked her slowly. "I don't know why your heart hurts but I'll wait patiently until you feel comfortable enough to share with me. It's okay, let it all out... sometimes the best way to get something out of your system is by crying it out. You hungry? I'll go downstairs and get some ice cream.... marshmallows, all of that."

"I'm such a mess."

"You're not a mess," He reassured her as he held her face towards his. "We can't help our emotions and that's okay because without our emotions we wouldn't be who we are today. It's okay to break down and cry every now and then. It's not healthy keeping it all inside and if this is how you have to get it all out I have no problem. There's no other place I rather be or anyone I rather be with right now but you, as long as I'm the one being able to console you,"

He kissed her nose, "Being able to reassure you. That. is. fine. by. me," He muttered as he pecked over her face. Pausing at her lips, he added. "I'm gonna stop your heart from hurting."

"Oh yeah?" Alexandria smiled at him.

"There's my favorite smile," Drake commented as he pecked her lips. "Watching you cry was hard for me because I've never seen you this vulnerable and I just want to thank you for being vulnerable with me and not deciding to hide in your shell. I know my words might seem pointless but I'm gonna fix your heart even if I die trying." Another set of tears spilled from her eyes as she listened to him. Drake's words were simply just words but they meant the world to her. For once in her life she felt like someone really cared for her otherwise from Travis, and in that moment Alexandria forgot about everything. All the painful memories, the drama, they were all gone. Drake had lit a new flame of hope inside her, a flame that she hoped would never stop burning.