she's mine.

82

Eli's pov

"I have to tell you something," I could barely hear my own voice through the thrumming in my ears. I tried to focus on my own breathing as I stared down at my hands. "I- I should have told you a long time ago," I tried to explain myself.

I knew the only way through this was to take full blame. There was no way I was going to justify this. I don't even think I could get the words out without throwing up, 'I was apart of your father murder because someone made me and you shouldn't be mad because i didn't know'.

In my minds eye I watched her deck me in the face leaving me broken physically and emotionally.

She can't leave me.

I have to make her understand.

I love her.

I love her too damn much.

I squeezed my eyes shut and saw those beautiful blue eyes looking up at me, her plump lips with the words 'I love you' rolling off them.

Would that be enough!? Would she stay? Would she see that that's not who I am, that i'm better now. I would never hurt her.

I let out a breath.

"I have told you before," I glanced at her to see her beautiful face watching me carefully. Her eyes were wide and the color had fallen from her face. Her lips were slightly parted and I saw for the millionth time, the trust and faith she had in me, pouring out of her in just one look, that I did not deserve. "I wasn't.. Good," I looked back to my hands, not wanting to watch her features change to pity or whatever else her soft heart would give me. "Not before you."

"Eli," she reached over and intertwined her fingers into mine. "Hunny," Rai's soft voice was music to my ears, and the fact that she was using that word, hunny, just added to the the many reason I hated myself. How did I even get her to fall in love with me!?

She deserves better.

"Please look at me," she whispered.

When I hesitated her other fingers slipped under my chin to pull my face to face hers. I shut my eyes. I knew I wasn't going to be able to say it if I looked at her again.

With her soft touch on my hand and face she watched me. I could feel her staring, I wondered what she was thinking.

Just as I opened my mouth, forcing myself to try again and again to get it out until it happened, there was a loud smack against my car.

My eyes shot open as Raina just nearly jumped through the roof with a high pitched squeal. She let go of me and covered her mouth with both hands. My hand instinctively shot to her, holding her thigh to make sure she was still there with me, while I searched the windows. I cursed under my breath when I saw my little brother with an evil grin standing outside my window.

I rolled down my window to scold him, yet there was a small part of me that was beyond thankful for him.

I wasn't ready.

Not at all.

I let out a sigh and felt my shoulders relax.