she's mine.

86

As I thrashed my body, begging to be with the boy I had quickly grown to love so much, I was pulled even closer to another body. His arms around my waist hugged me tighter, pleading me to calm down. Eli's chest was hard and warm, the way it always was. I could feel the muscle that was more chiseled than ever beneath his thin button up. My heart broke knowing it was only from the lack of eating that caused his body to become so defined.

I shook my head. I didn't want to feel bad for him, not for the man that had been- in any way- apart of my father's murder. And THEN had the audacity to come into my life and destroy my heart, making me fall in love him, all the while knowing what he had done.

But even shaking my head couldn't keep me from feeling for him as I slowed my thrashing and began to feel his body to shake against mine.

No.

I couldn't bear it.

I didn't want to look.. But when I heard the choke of a sob he desperately tried to hold back, I couldn't help myself.

I turned in his arms to face him.

Tears streamed down his face, and as I had expected, I couldn't bear the sight.

I quickly threw my arms over his shoulders, pulling his head into the crook of my neck, and held his head as if I could hold it all together that way.

I knew I couldn't, not even close, but I tried.

We stayed there for who knows how long, just holding each other as we both sobbed. I tried desperately to hold it together. To be there for him, and not force him to be there for me, but quiet sobs escaped my lips over and over as I whispered to him.

"It will be okay," I couldn't tell if I was talking more to him or myself. "Everything will be okay. He will be okay," I said over and over.

My eye sight was blurred, and I was sure my makeup smeared my face causing me to resemble a rabid animal rather than a girl. But as I looked over his shoulder, I caught sight of a familiar car pull into the parking lot and park in the front row. Levi and D got out and quickly walked over, both carefully watching our embrace.

I quickly cleared my throat and pulled back from Eli.

Something in Levi's eyes, the way he watched us cautiously, brought back the heart wrenching memory of the information that had just been revealed earlier this evening.

I shivered at the memory, the look in Eli's eyes as he told me, "I can't".

I glanced up at Eli's eyes now. They were red and glossed with an ocean of pain overflowing slightly. I wanted so baldly to reach up and gently wipe those tears away, but I couldn't. The vulnerability was clearer than ever after I pulled away from him and he waited to see my next move. He needed me.

But I couldn't be that for him. Not anymore. Not after what I now knew.

I turned to Levi and D.

"The nurses took him back," I sniffled and wiped my eyes. "I didn't catch most of what they said, but they said something about an emergency surgery," I cleared my throat again to keep from crying.

Levi nodded and D stepped forward to rub my arm. I looked down and to my surprise, my whole outfit was completely smeared in a deep red stain that reminded me of art, in the most mysteries way. I glanced back up at D's big brown eyes, feeling mine become overwhelmed again with emotion before she softly pulled me into an embrace. Pushing up on her toes to wrap her small frame around my neck. She was such a small human, yet held me as if she we 7 feet tall. With the hug of my best friend, I sighed away the smallest amount of pain I could bear to release with out breaking down.