PURE HEROINE II 13 REASONS WHY

Gordon

"Mrs. Lennox, have you informed another family member?", the woman in front of me asked me neutrally but I didn't even understand what she tried to say. "What?" "I've called her dad and uncle", I heard Monty say again. "This must be hard for you, Mrs. Lennox. We can help you by offering you talking to a specialist. He can help your family through this hard time." "What?"

"The family is going to talk about it. Thank you for the help", Monty nodded. The doctor was about to go just when dad and Will stormed through the door, "We came as fast as we could. Where is he? Is he okay?" "How do you want the funeral to be prepared? We have many different options", another woman spoke to dad, Will and I.

"It's up to you, Ellie. We want you to decide what should happen", Will looked at me. He looked ten years older. He usually looked really good but right now, there were dark circles under his eyes and he had more wrinkles as a result of the sleepless nights. It's the first day that my dad wore sweatpants. He didn't go to work either. And our dog wouldn't leave our side.

"I want Monty, Jeff, Justin and you two to bring the coffin to the grave. And I want to say something in the end", I whispered, my voice almost broke. "Anything else?" "You choose."

Ellie

hey, sorry to bother but this is important

my black dress is at yours

can you bring it to school please?

Scotty

- read at 5:43 pm -

Scotty?

Please, it's important

                                                                                                                                                                  - read at 6:23 pm -

My granddad had bought this dress for me so I felt like I shouldn't wear anything else. The clothes didn't matter anymore but there was a meaning behind it. "You're here?", Sheri was surprised, I could feel the worry. "I couldn't stay at home", I said as silent as I could so they would still hear what I say.

"Don't you want to go somewhere else then? To calm down?", Jeff tried to help, too. "Yeah, school's not the best place for that", Zach agreed. I just shook my head. I didn't want to talk anymore. I didn't want to be here but I didn't want to be at home either. "Can you just do me a favor?", I turned to Jeff, "Please go to Scott and bring me the dress before we drive to the church. He didn't answer me."

"He doesn't know, Els. At least we didn't tell him." "That's my least problem right now." "Are you ready?", Will looked me in the eyes, laid his hand on my shoulder. "Are you?" "You're right", he sighed, "The others are coming separately?" "Uh huh."

Someone knocked the door. I slowly opened it to face a suit-wearing Scott. He held my dress in his hands. What did Jeff say? "Scott", escaped my mouth. "I'm sorry, Ellie. I didn't know that.. I hope you know what I'm trying to say", he muttered, "I brought you the dress, you need it. And I would come to the cemetery if that's okay for you." "It's more than okay for me, Scotty. Thanks."

"Els, I know this isn't the right moment but I'm sorry for ignoring you. I was angry but even if I tried to I couldn't stop loving you and I want to let you know that I'm here for you if you let me." "I need you, Scotty", I suddenly admitted and finally cried for the first time since it happened, "It hurts so much. What am I going to do?"

"I wish I could tell you what's going to help. I just have no idea. But I'm going to find out with you together, okay?", Scott tried to comfort me and finally laid his arms around. It's been weeks since he last did that. The topic Scott and I has been stored away in the back of my thoughts but having him around gave me hope in that moment. "I'm here, baby. I'd never leave", Scott whispered against my hair, made me feel like we could get through this together.

Scott didn't leave my side as he promised. He drove to the funeral with us and he stood next to me, held my hand. Dad and Will were next to me. Sheri, Monty, Jeff, Zach and Justin were in the row behind us. Clay, Jess and Alex came, too. Some others from school like boys from the baseball team, the football team and of course the cheerleading team. My friends' parents and Scott's mom were here, too. I noticed Bryce and his mom sitting in the last row. I was glad to see them. It had nothing to do with us or the school but it honored my grandpa.

Before I wanted to stand up to say something at the graveyard, a woman who I didn't know stood up to walk to the speaker's desk. Will and dad immediately stood up, too, and said something to the woman. Scott leaned over to me, "Do you know her?"

"I've got no idea who they are", I whispered back when another man joined the three of them, their voices became louder and it looked like they were discussing, "But I'm going to end this." My emotions changed from sadness to anger. How could they dare to start a loud discussion at a funeral, the one for my grandfather. It should a moment of honor.

"Hey, dickheads", I hissed at all of them, my voice was not as loud of course, "Shut up, now. Everyone's staring at you already. This is for grandpa to talk about what a good man he was and not about you. And if you don't respect the family, you can go." With my last sentence I turned to the man and the older woman but they chuckled lightly.

"I see, you didn't even tell her about her grandmother and uncle. Well done, brothers. Mom is going to say something", the man shook his head. "Marcus-" "Stop it, dad. Let her talk and everyone else sits down now", I said turning around to do that myself. I had no idea what that man was talking about but I didn't care about it right now. That wasn't the right place and not the right time.

"El-", Will started when they sat next to me. "Not now", I replied. "What's going on?", Scott asked again while my supposed grandmother said something. "Seems I've got a grandmother and another uncle." Scott just nodded, he knew I wanted to talk as little as possible and if it would disturb me, I'd tell him. I'd probably do that later on.

When my so-called grandmother was done, I finally stood up to say something, too. Scott had asked me if he should go with me but I was alright. I couldn't cry in front of so many people. I literally couldn't. At the past funerals that I've went to, I even laughed silently. That sounds so disrespectful but I just can't be sad at funerals. I think my body tries to keep me away from the pain. I was sad, of course, but my body would let me cry at home or when fewer people were around.